Furry in an Omegaverse Isekai @tormeh@qoto.org

This older comic is going around. Animals with misleading names! A gentle attempt to poke fun at English common names.

her: *sadly* says here our neighbor died of natural causes

me: how many causes?

her:

me: so like he was crushed between a greenpeace truck and a world wildlife fund truck?

her: why couldn’t it have been you

We have officially entered "I think something is crawling on me" season.

@Chronomyst
Estranged dad from a movie who makes his child a knitted garment while in space and says "it's a space craft!" when he finally gifts it to them, but that's at the beginning of the movie before the child actually forgives him for leaving

#OldMemesNeverDie

Imagine a country on the way to a presidential election.

Presidential candidate A is criticized for lying constantly, trying to overturn the last election, stealing top secret documents from government, being involved in financial fraud, and having sexually abused a woman.

Presidential candidate B is criticized for being 4 years older than candidate A.

Then imagine, that this presidential election is a toss-up, because candidate A is really entertaining to watch on tv.

This is where we are.

Remember -- don't let ANYONE ruin your day. Don't empower them. It's YOUR day. Ruin it by yourself.

If only there was a phrase for this phenomenon
#OldMemesNeverDie

“You kiss your mother with that mouth?”
“Nope. I kiss YOUR mother with this mouth!”

Currently thinking about how Tolkien spent decades developing the world’s most epic story setting and then the most profoundly primordial and powerful god is Thomas from the pub

“I wish people would start seeing me as something besides just a thirst trap.” – Desert Mirage

Tested positive for negativity.

Abject #CrossBorderRail ticket fail for tomorrow 🤦‍♂️

@Johanonthetrain (who’s travelling with me tomorrow) and I happily book the tickets for the 09:39 TER train Saarbrücken-Strasbourg tomorrow in SNCF Connect… and AFTER booking get this - collect the ticket from a ticket machine

And so we go to Saarbrücken station (that’s near the hotel) and there’s NO SNCF TICKET MACHINE 🤦‍♂️

We’ll try our luck tomorrow explaining this to the train manager!

*flatlining EKG sounds*

NURSE: You're a disgrace to your profession.

ME: Actually, I'm a damn good accountant. Surgery is just a hobby.

me: [about to cut the crime scene tape across the front door of our new house with a pair of GIANT novelty scissors] ok now hear me out, this place was a real barg..

wife: no

I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy. I’m saving it for my best enemy

what doesn't kill you makes you fatter