Furry in an Omegaverse Isekai @tormeh@qoto.org

I really wish I was more of a stress forget-to-eater.

He considers that no man is an island, as he stretches his leafy trees, erupts his volcano, drifts sediment down his rivers

My anaconda don't
My anaconda don't
My anaconda don't work probably I installed the wrong dependencies again

Did I do this one already for #ThickTrunkTuesday?

April 25th - The perfect date (although in the UK its bloomin' cold) #April25

Time wounds all heels.

It doesn’t pay to buy cheap shoes.

@princesaballena

Fam'ly tree o' knotty pine
Here's a graft and there's a spline
Meshing root like twisted vine
Branches curl and trunks entwine
When we sit 'neath knotty pine
Naughty cousin please be mine

Don't knock 1st cousin marriages - you wouldn't be here without them!

- my mom, confirming my worst fears

🥪

Ahhhh welcome back to Germany! 🕺

An earlier Karlsruhe - Köln ICE (ICE 106) was cancelled. The Karlsruhe - Berlin ICE I’m on (ICE 72) has 3 carriages fewer than normal due to some fault… and is now so overcrowded they’ve threatened to call the police

And currently we can’t leave

Yes, it's true. I sell cigarettes to children. But for each packet of cigarettes I sell, I also give away a nicotine patch to an elderly smoker.

So you see, I'm working my way towards 'cigarette zero.' Give me more time.

Classic gamebook

I am amused by how incredibly specifically this dates when I wrote it (cc @janellecshane )

Made a PB&J burger. Gherkins, lettuce, tomato, cheese and a spoonful each of peanut butter and strawberry jam. Cheesy fries on the side. So, so good. 🤤

Imagine if your dad was a Minotaur and your mom was a Mermaid and you got the human half of both and now you're just some guy

I haven't left the apartment in three days. Would you like to see the sculpture I have made out of toaster crumbs? She's a reclining nude.

In solidarity with the Writers Guild of America in their fight with the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers, until a fair deal is struck my posts will be 20% less funny.

If you’re stuck in a one-horse town, steal the horse and ride out of there. They’ll never catch you.

Historians have suggested most pirates would have been illiterate, so it's unlikely they had a favourite letter.