Mental Health
I've told this story a few times in different places but its worth retelling, maybe for my own sake.
https://qoto.org/web/statuses/109922639244131292
Spotify tracking, I always enjoy the year in review, its interesting to see what went down. I also have a "random" playlist which has tracks I've enjoyed at specific points that I never delete from, only ever add to the list. In doing so you can also track pretty easily what my mood was like at the time.
I'll give you some idea:
Jan 11th I added a bunch of uplifting tunes, then Jan 17th I added, Please Don't Go, Beowulf, good sampling, resonated with me. Then the next few weeks nothing and again a few more uplifting tunes earlier in the month, then the last 2 days, Hang, Matchbox Twenty - a song about an abusive relationship, Rocket Man (cover), and then Sing For the Moment, Eminem, just came on, slapped it in the playlist, it happened to resonate, it'll be there forever and remind me of now.
So this brings me back to the year in review, and I've removed it recently but it was 2018, and I took a trip to Malta. When I booked it, it was just a break away, but when I was there, it was a full meltdown. Sat in my room, drinking heavily, trying to erase the past, and on repeat I had.... Eminem Lose Yourself and Leave a Light on. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nqnkBdExjws
The latter appeared tonight and reminded me of that time, I look back on it as a time when I was lucky, because when I took that trip I didn't realise how my health would turn. During the day, I functioned like a normal human, did some sightseeing, but as soon as the evening arrived, the darkness fell and it was complete self abuse.
I look back now on a dark period of my life and sometimes those songs come on and I'm reminded, Leave a Light on, a song about substance abuse, in the song its really about class A drugs, but substance abuse can easily be a wide variety of different drugs.
These days it doesn't conjure up the same feelings of abuse and self loathing, but I'm aware of how close it came back then to all collapsing inwards.
Mental Health
I should point out, Leave a light on is a shout out to the addict reminding him that there is a way back if he chooses to take it. I was lucky that song came on when it did and I paid attention to the lyrics.
There is a comment below the video that says "when you're happy you enjoy the melody, when you're broken you understand the lyrics." I don't know where that came from but it's very true.