i am very tempted to ask my ex to help me go through my conversation with the girl who ghosted me 4 months ago

even though my ex and i no longer talk about the subject of dating (shit gets too heated, because she gives a lot of very bad advice based on the assumption that my problems are like hers), and also, i honestly shouldn't still be fixated on a conversation from 4 months ago

but, until recently i had the feeling that i did a reasonably good job at understanding what this girl intended me to understand & giving reasonable, supportive responses that she seemed to take well at the time.

and now, having taken another look at it, i'm wondering if she was half doing the "let you down easy" thing & half incredulously wondering if i was serious about liking her, & maybe when she said "oh geez" in response to my compliments she was expressing actual exasperation instead of just bashfulness...

i thought that she was feeling down about herself & needed some validation (which was easy to give because she's cute & smart & talented). & i figured that she at least thought i was a potential friend & somebody it was safe to be vulnerable with, because of how she sought me out after ghosting me the first time & asked my opinions on stuff (not taking into account that this perception might have changed as the result of something i said in the meantime).

but i could have totally misread the whole interaction & basically started hitting on somebody who was trying to say "look, you don't want to date me anyway", in which case it would make a lot more sense for her to ghost me.

like, every time i thought i was saying "no, you're not crazy/ugly/untalented/whatever, i think you're great", maybe what she heard was "no, you aren't convincing me to give up on dating you with that weak excuse". maybe what i saw as being friendly and supportive to somebody who had self-esteem problems she saw as some creep arguing with her about why she should date him.

anyway. it doesn't actually matter, really, since i'm pretty sure she's not interested. but i should figure out how i should have interpreted it so i don't end up misreading stuff in the same way in the future.

or maybe i should just read this sort of thing as a brush-off in general, just in case it is one. better to assume you're being rejected & end up pleasantly surprised than not notice that somebody is trying to make you leave them alone.

i shouldn't (and almost definitely won't) contact my ex about this, but she's the only one i'd trust to give me good feedback on it & not, like, tell people all this private shit this person told me

and without the exact words and timing of the messages, i don't think this sort of meaning can be parsed out. like, when i tell people about this interaction, i'm telling them my interpretation of what went on. and my ability to interpret what somebody means when they're being intentionally ambiguous is really fucking bad.