If you ever feel like you've lost control of your life, just remember that you are nothing more than chemicals reacting with other chemicals. Every thought, every emotion, and every reaction is nothing more than chemicals reacting with other chemicals. There is no such thing as free will. There is only chemicals that are reacting with other chemicals. You have no choice but be who you are, an ever-improving combination of chemicals that replicate their ever-replicating combination of chemicals. So forgive yourself, improve, and reward yourself. It's what you do. Enjoy it.