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person lying on the ground, weeping: p-please, sir--
me, rifling through their wallet: i know capitalist productivity culture has poisoned you to believe that all "lack of productivity or conformity" is due to laziness and a choice, that if they only chose to be smarter and more hardworking like you, they'd be able to lead happier more productive lives, but the truth is most ppl u know who struggle to get up early either have a sleeping disorder or depression. also i'm taking ur gum as well

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Seeing how we will have 1920's gas prices soon: I think I will find a nice Irish girl, take her to the jazz club, and later order a house from the Sears catalog.

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I like how, in a lot of cheesy sci-fi, instruments will just explode if they try to measure something way beyond their capability.

Imagine if you set a rain gauge outside during a storm and when it got full, it just burst into flames.
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@Shitlord@dobbs.town people with antisocial personality disorder are not completely inept of empathy, it’s much like a spectrum with the different traits/criteria ranging different levels from person to person. Though usually are very protective of their inner circle/people they actually do care about if one manages to maintain interpersonal relationships.

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Shit. We're gonna get locked down any minute. Anyone know any good toilet paper recipes? I have an instant pot and a foreman grill, if that helps.

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I'm eager to live in a world where when I cough I don't immediately panic that I'm gonna fkn die in a fortnight. Stay inside, motherfuckers.

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Dear Bandits and/or Raiders of the pending apocalypse:
- I can pick locks
- I can make soap
- can brew beer and distill the hard shit
- hard motherfucker, no fucks
- loves to stay inside

This is my dystopian resume. Ready for Wave 2.

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"So it is written: Try me, bitch" -Matthew 4:7

@yunwenxiu named my kitty Anu. One who hears the cries of the people of Uruk

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I've decided that while I am social distancing I will let the rest of the world worry about the virus. There are plenty of worriers - my worry skills cannot possibly help that much so I am getting reacquainted with my comic book and LP record collection both of which are quite extensive. If anybody asks where I am just tell them I am in the bathroom and I'll be back later.

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the only time you should consider selling your soul is to buy it back at a lower price :tctl:

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I am once again asking for queer book recommendations 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

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People can't embed your Instagram photos if you don't publish photos on Instagram.

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when someone tries to tell you a state called "Vermont" exists

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“where the baby comes out... It's called the mother mouth... yes... and if it doesn't open you have a c section...” overheard on Herrfurth Platz roundabout in Berlin at 11pm on March 9th, 2020

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Really like this idea:

Quarantine Stories is a collaborative platform that collects stories of isolation as a result of home-quarantining in efforts to reduce the effects of COVID-19

quarantinestories.today/

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@mouloud @KnowPresent @shibacomputer any real-time conversation has to deal with hierarchy because you can't all speak at the same time and be heard.

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