Pivo @Pivo@qoto.org

when there was one set of footprints in the sand, that was when I tripped and fell but Jesus didn't see and He kept walking for a little bit

TRAVEL LOG:
Ordered a salad at this truck stop & people are chanting "lock him up!"

Dog park?? Oh do you mean a barking lot?

Clark Kent: *sets glasses on kitchen table*
Lois Lane: Is that our table? I don't recognize it.

Indiana Jones claims to not like snakes yet he uses a whip, the snake of weaponry.

dost thou wish to partake in the
devils cranberry

I'm getting better at pretending to be me.

eating pieces of aluminum foil like
fruit roll ups

the porn version of ratatouille is
called beef stroganoff

Boss: if you fall asleep again today, I'll fire you

Me: ok

Boss: now go and do the sheep inventory

Me: oh no

#scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿😎

Whoa, I missed this part of the documentary.

Me: this is the third time I've gotten food poisoning from your taco truck

Him: sorry have a free taco

Me: hard shell please

You can have Rumplestiltskin’s spindle when you pry it from his gold thread strands

The Grinch’s only mistake was a lack of conviction to see the job through.

But WHEN though? When???

Why isn’t ‘ampersand’ spelled ‘ampers&’?

Socks so tight your brain pours out of your eye sockets like toothpaste.