Pivo @Pivo@qoto.org

[grocery produce aisle]

ME: Hi, are these genetically modified carrots?

CLERK: No, why do you ask?

CARROT: Yeah, why do you ask?

Fuck you, ocean. If you have something to say, say it to my face instead of through a shell, you piece of shit.

thinking about being a button that has come off of a shirt and fallen onto the floor and being found by someone and put into the jar of miscellaneous buttons and whether the other buttons would accept me into their button community

Goddamn, am I going to miss it.

I can’t wait to bring up all of the dead memes and formats that everyone is hoping will die with twitter

Finding my Twitter people on here is incredibly satisfying.

*PITCH* ok what if our parents were proud of us, as a bit

My brain forces me to relive traumatic moments over and over and over and over, but it won't tell me where I left my laptop charger.

Dear fellow twitter refugees.

They seem like good folk here, let’s try not to fuck it up for them, eh.

It's important to believe in something so I've chosen UFOs.

I accidentally used my wife’s body lotion this morning, and now I don’t want to have sex with me.

PLEASE reblog anyone you recognize from Twitter!!!

#TwitterRefugee

New to Mastodon? Here are some guides I've found useful for figuring it all out.

Top 10 tips: https://axbom.com/mastodon-tips/

Longer guide: https://axbom.com/mastodon-guide/

Feditips 🦣 for beginners: https://fedi.tips/mastodon-and-the-fediverse-beginners-start-here/

Nikodemus' Guide to 🦣: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1D9gfeKg_-hlsU66R-dLEvUeyMsqEfyIx2pnfUeX0t_E/edit#

Notes from a Data Witch: https://blog.djnavarro.net/posts/2022-11-03_what-i-know-about-mastodon/

#feditips #TwitterMIgration #Twexit #IrishTwitter #IrishMastodon

me: how long is the “girlfriend experience”?

sex worker: $2000 for 6 hours, or $10,000 for 24 hours

me: [looking at the runtimes for the extended Lord of the Rings trilogy] hmm [looking at bank account] hmmmmmm

THANOS: did you bring me the infinity stones

ME: [holding the planeteers rings] i fucked up boss. i fucked up bad

Just arrived from the social media equivalent of the Titanic.

me: I want a wet one. give me the wettest one you have.

Prof. Oak: just say water type