Pivo @Pivo@qoto.org

Glad to see that the January 6th Committee decided to let almost every politician who participated in the January 6th insurrection slide without even a warning. There’s no better way to protect democracy than by making sure people know they can try to derail it with no consequences.

Imagine your date showing up to the restaurant on a Segway, wearing pads and an aerodynamic helmet, just rolling up to the table, eating standing up, and every time you try to bring it up he just ignores you and segues into a discussion about various Iron age smelting techniques.

I watched this team play football last night and 100% had the thought "I bet @smooheed roots for these guys."

If only there was some sort of seasonally appropriate story about the ills of one man having too much money and being awful to everyone.

Ennui is a word that sounds like it's having a lot more fun than it really

Oh, now I’m the bad guy just because I doomed us? Grow up, Carolyn. We’re all to blame for my behavior.

You’re telling me a plane trained this automobile?

i fucked up secret santa this year and gave a bunch of fentanyl to my cop brother-in-law

Aida Rostami was a doctor who treated protesters until she was tortured and murdered by Iranian officials.

Dec 12, after taking care of several wounded protesters in Ekbatan, Aida left a protester’s house to get medical supplies and was never seen alive again. Officials told her family to pick up her tortured body a day later. Just like that.

She was 36.

This is the face of theocracy. We must all fight to keep religion out of our respective governments. Or else.

Accidentally stole someone's cart in the produce section & shopped the whole store before seeing their ice berg lettuce & that my reusable bags were missing. Damn, can't I have a few more years before becoming my grandmother please god??

This old rich guy pointed to a jungle and said I had 20 minutes before he started hunting me. He seems pretty mad that I'm just standing here posting.

In every single case, the Scooby Doo gang discover a human is behind the mystery, not ghosts or mummies or whatever. Yet they start each new case believing the villain is a supernatural being. Every time. Not once do they say “maybe it’s an old man like last time”

If you aren’t collaborating and listening after you stop, then what was all this even for?

Me: After all these years, I think I’m still angry at my mother

Cat therapist: *swipes jar of pencils off desk* Have you ever tried peeing in her suitcase

I'm going to start calling Mastodon "The Don", and none of you have the guts to stop me.

On the fence is also the wrong side of the fence.

I know some of you are weirded out by the prolific hashtag thing over here— so was I! Here’s how I learned to handle it: I almost never use them.

HAVING KIDS
• expensive & boring
• they will live with you for 18 years

BEFRIENDING A CROW
• cheap & exciting
• they will bring you gifts
• there is a good chance they will also be willing to do crimes for you

There are many legitimate reasons to track Elon Musk's flight coordinates, for example to offer him ads more relevant to his interests