Natsuno @dokuritsu_seven@qoto.org

The lectures kinda accumulated because of the quiz i'll try to duplicate my effort. I don't want to get lost more.

She is in the same boat as me. And the girl who bullied me. They don't have the right to bully me in the first place but they have the power to destroy my nervous system sadly. I hope I won't kill her. I can't take the pain anymore

The girl who was friends with a girl who has bullied me come today. Then she asks the girl about her name. She stole all my friends and now she is targeting her. She is kinda scary. But she is friend of my friends for 3 years and it looks she didn't say anything bad about me. So I don't think I should be angry. But I won't trust her either

Everyone will hate me so much if they know the real me..

But I don't want to let down my guard I don't trust anyone...

She was kind sadly. It was fun to spend time with her. I hate to admit it though.....

But she was pressuring me to talk with others. Maybe she feels sorry for me.... Because I'm always staying alone. But I don't hate being alone. I want to talk a little but not for hours. Just 10 minutes is enough

The girl who was kind with me. Talked a lot with me yesterday. And she spend 3 hours talking with me in the university. I can't feel she want anything from me. Or she want to hurt me. So it is fine I think. But I can't understand why she is talking with me. At all.

The teacher let me participate. It wasn't bad. 3 times now I need 7 or 8

the quiz was easy I took 4.5 \ 5 I'm happy. There is 2 question wasn't in the slide I was listening with the teacher and write notes. Every time. But I didn't remember this question at all. Maybe because the lecture the last im always sleepy..

I hate everything including myself

If God left me. I'll leave the word. There is no reason to live without him anyway.

All I know. there is something wrong with my brain. But I dont know what is it. I dont look normal anymore

I hope this is my last night. I can't trust my future self at all. I think im losing control. Even when I do bad things it doesn't make my pain get lower.

But fear is consuming me. I dont know any other feeling anymore. I forgot how to be confident. I'm tired

I'll try to do my best

I hope I'll be able to study for 16 hours daily

tomorrow is the first quiz I hope I'll take 3 or more. I dont trust myself. And im kinda losing my mind like usual

Depressed increasing

I'm afraid mother help. She is keeping talking to me even when there is nothing to say.