Lili 🏳️‍⚧️ @neurolili@qoto.org

Posting on Mastodon is fun! I feel freer than ever before to interact online. I just post whatever's on my mind. I think other people do that on other platforms too, but I guess I just felt too self conscious? It just feels chill here. 🤗

#chill #mastodon #new

I watched Brother Bear again recently, and couldn't stop thinking of it as a trans allegory. Here's what I see.

Kenai starts out as an awkward human. He is careless with common tasks and uncomfortable with the "love" totem that he receives. At this point, the whole movie feels slightly uncomfortable to watch. The interactions, the colors, everyone's actions feel slightly "off" in indescribable ways.

Then, Kenai transforms into a bear and the whole visuals change. The movie becomes more colorful, the screen literally changes the aspect ratio so that it takes up the whole screen. The magic is that these changes are barely noticeable as you watch, but if you were to skip back you would notice a clear difference. This encapsulates the feeling of gender dysphoria so well, how it feels as this invisible but nagging feeling that something is just not right. Then, as your egg cracks the field of vision feels larger and just more colorful.

Beyond that, Kenai is going through a journey of self-acceptance that parallels a transition. When he is first transformed as a bear, he is in heavy denial and wants to go back to being human. He is ashamed of receiving help from Koda, a fellow bear. Slowly, he becomes accustomed to bear life, getting familiar with the local animals and making friends with Koda. He panics again when he is thrown in the middle of bears, paralleling the fear of passing within men's/women's spaces that trans people experience. The bears quickly accept him as one of their own and he is calmed, a positive experience overall.

Then, Koda tells a story involving humans and this triggers Kenai to "come out" as someone who was a human. Koda is shocked and runs away, until he realizes that he likes him regardless of Kenai's past and goes back to him. Kenai goes up to the mountain to turn back into a human. He briefly does turns back, but then realizes that he prefers to be a bear and just stays as one. He has accepted his self and found a place for himself in the world.

But wait, there's more! Throughout the movie, he is chased by his brother (his own family) for being a bear, eerily paralleling the common disapproval that trans people face from their families. The brother finally stops hunting and apologizes at the end, as he finally recognizes Kenai under the bear, happier and wiser than ever before.

#trans #transallegory #brotherbear

here's a demo where I zoom in and out on my full knowledge graph. It's growing quite a bit, at 633 notes already!

2 years ago, I jumped into the personal knowledge management craze, especially the #zettelkasten system, as implemented in Obsidian or (in my case) org-roam on top of #Emacs .
How did it go?

I've actually kept using it this whole time!

How do I use it? Mainly, when I learn about a new topic, I make a new note for that topic. For instance, I got obsessed with Lagrangians towards the end of 2020 and made a note about that. I later made more notes for "Lagrangian biomechanics" and "Non standard Lagrangian". The new thing here is the concept of "backlinks". Each of the 2 notes above link to "Lagrangian", and so just by going to "Lagrangian" note I can see the notes linking to that. It's really magic! I often rediscover notes I wrote months ago and almost always find what I stashed away.

I find this most useful for literature reviews or just to recollect my thoughts about specific subfields. I also have notes for books, admin stuff (like one with all the zoom links), ideas for stories, class notes, and notes on how to do things.

One revelation about the zettelkasten system I got from browsing Scott Scheper's materials, https://zettelkasten.de/posts/introduction-antinet-zettelkasten/ , is how useful it is to have a full tree hierarchy, rather than a set of interconnected notes. I do this in org-roam by linking to the "parent" at the top of each note. This makes the graph so much more browsable and naturally interconnects subjects. Just go up and down the hierarchy to see links!

#zettelkasten #workflow #academia

In the past I've been a bit hesitant to post as I've been confused about what kind of posts people would want to read or just generally shy. I'm gonna make an effort to post more thoughts as they occur here and see what comes out. This is just a more public commitment here.