August 12, 2018

And every morning now is like the first day you were born, as far as I can feel. Every morning on this long break, all this time we spend together, is like another day when I first saw you in the hospital.

I cannot tell how crazy I am, but I know that it is far down the line. Past irrational. Past my place of good judgment.

Each morning you come to me and hug me and we just do that for a while. You just hug me for a while and though it doesn’t last long I know that these are the best moments I will ever live. More than any money I might make. More than any recognition I might garner. More than any place I may go. Nothing more honest or right has ever happened to a person who has ever lived. All accolade is below your arms around my neck.

And then the morning continues and I drink coffee and offer to make you eggs. You want cereal mostly. The yellow kind, you say - corn flakes. Or the chocolate kind, you say. You want the iPad always, and I give it to you as long as I can.

We have been all over this summer. Swimming. Zhongshan. Arcades. Hubei. Indoor playgrounds that were not cheap but becoming your father was everything in my life and I was glad to pay that. Because to watch you smile is to beat the sunrise. To see you happy is all the good in the world in a second. One more day with you, again and again.

I told you the other day, that I want you to be happy. You asked me if it was so I could take a picture of you smiling. I said it wasn’t, and that it was just that I wanted you to feel that way. You told me not to worry. You said you always are.

One more day with you, again and again.