# Karpman drama triangle (reading notes)

> Karpman's triangle is a simple tool for conceptualizing the dynamics of dysfunctional roles in conflict and for mapping the role changes as the conflict grows.

This is a very simple and visual tool which, if you saw this played out before (everybody did, but some do not realise it), you immediately recognise what it is about.

<img src="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/98/Karpman_Triangle.png" width="100%"/>

Start of reading and resources: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle
Another very good resource: https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle

## Karpman Drama Triangles - Pathological Conflict

(summary extracts)

> Karpman observed that in conflict and drama, there is "good guy vs bad guy" thinking. He also observed that the participants become drawn in, even seduced, by the energy that the drama generates. **The drama obscures the real issues.*** Confusion and upset escalates. Solutions are no longer the focus.

> Karpman defined three roles in the "transaction"; Persecutor, Rescuer (the one up positions) and Victim (one down position).

- **The victim** is not an actual victim, but rather someone _feeling or acting like a victim_. Even though the victim is actually acting, nonetheless, the victim sincerely feels victimized, oppressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed, and seems unable to make decisions, solve problems, take pleasure in life, or achieve insight. _The victim's stance is "Poor me!"_
- **The Persecutor** is controlling, blaming, critical, oppressive, angry, authoritative, rigid, and superior - self righteous. _The persecutor insists, "It's all your fault."_
- **The Rescuer** is a classic enabler. _The rescuer feels guilty if he/she doesn't rescue._ Yet his/her rescuing has negative effects: it keeps the victim dependent and gives the victim permission to fail. It also keeps the rescuer stuck in focusing energy on someone else's problems, not solving his/her own. _The rescuer's line is "Let me help you."_

> Drama triangles form when participants who are predispositioned to adopt the roles of a drama triangle come together over an issue.

## Motives

The roles of a victim and persecutor (whether existent, or not) are rather obvious:

> The _victim_ starts or catalyzes the formation of the drama triangle. The _victim_, if not being "persecuted", will seek out a _persecutor_ and also a _rescuer_ who will "save" the day but also perpetuate the _victim_ 's negative feelings. Any time that we don’t take responsibility for our feelings and make ourselves out to be a victim, we are setting the stage for a drama triangle to form, and failure.

Now the role of a rescuer is an intriguing one:

> The actions of the _rescuer_ are often pivotal and tend to drive the conflict intensity level by how aggressively they respond. The motivations of the _rescuer_ are the least obvious...In the terms of the drama triangle, the _rescuer_ is someone who has a mixed motive and is actually benefiting in some way for being _"the one who rescues"_.

This is intriguing stuff. Note to self: explore more of the rescuer hidden dynamics. The surface is clear.

## Escape

Diagnosing many conflicts around is often relatively straightforward. There are of course more complex cases (such as in movies, or family dynamics, etc.), but most cases could be relatively well analysed.

Now the interesting question is how to get out of this.

They identify two strategies:
> 1. **Move to the center.** Stop participating as a _victim, rescuer_ or _persecutor._ Instead, find and hold a center position. The center of the drama triangle contains elements of each corner - it is a combination of sensitivity, compassion, and responsibility - with a solutions focus, even if the solution is retreat.
> 2. **Refuse to accept your opponent's force.** Do not struggle with the other participants in the triangle, or yield to them. Instead, make a counter move with one opponent that allows them to fully take an awkward, indefensible, or unreasonable position. If you have successfully taken the center, your opponent will back off, rather than unmasking themselves and their exaggerated role.

These are both very useful strategies. Both are bold and firm. In a way, this very much reminds me of [Aikido philosophy](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aikido#Etymology_and_basic_philosophy):

> _aiki_ refers to the martial arts principle or tactic of blending with an attacker's movements for the purpose of controlling their actions with minimal effort. One applies _aiki_ by understanding the rhythm and intent of the attacker to find the optimal position and timing to apply a counter-technique.

## Preventing triangle formation

Useful once you know how this stuff works. But the first few times, we tend to fall into drama triangles head-first with very damaging consequences.

> * **Refuse to be Superior or Inferior**: To break the dynamic of superior/inferior requires us to learn to accept differences and similarities between ourselves and others as neither good nor bad.
> * **Stop The Poor Me Game. Stop Being a Victim** In order to stop being a _victim_, we will have to be willing to accept the actual circumstances of our relationship with the other person.
> * **Stop The Blame Game. Don't be a Persecutor** It also means we will take responsibility for how we act and feel around the other person without taking the attitude that the other person is controlling our feelings or actions.
> * **Stop Fixing the other person. Don't be a Rescuer** Giving up rescuing the other person is an action, not a discussion. It isn’t something to announce to the other person. It isn’t something to negotiate with the other person. It isn’t something to threaten the other person with. It is all action.