bf said he'll buy me a new guitar tomorrow for my birthday. initially i was thrilled but now all i can feel is "why am i getting a treat without sitting? am i a bad boy?"

"if i didn't do something painful and difficult to earn a reward, i don't deserve it, and therefore i stole my reward"

living an entire additional year was difficult and painful, but it's not an actionable item i had to do. like rewarding me for accidentally being run over by a bus

AND SO the Point of this is that i still want to die

@wolfgang You gotta remember something, though. It's that you're fantastic and that 'voice' in your head is a lying shitbag who only wants to drag you down.

Play the heck out of that guitar and know that you are loved!