sex discussion
girl, if you can sleep in the same bed with the dude you like with his strong hands holding you, with you feeling his boner rubbing against you and you don't want to fuck him - then I advise against that relationship
+bonifartius 𒂼𒄄
sex discussion
@kaia probably pretty sane idea to check if you can sleep in one bed without being pressed into fucking instantly. you know, people can enjoy intimacy without getting railed. like amish bundling.
equaling intimacy with sex is one of the great mistakes of modern society.
@bonifartius @kaia
They aren't two years into their married life and just want to let each other get some sleep — if they aren't attracted to each other sexually at this stage, chances are letting each other get some sleep would be all they would be doing to each other in their married life.
This might work for some too — there are couples who live happily together for decades and never have sex, but they are certainly not in the majority.
@bonifartius
> you just don't have to follow through?
Why?
> you will likely be able to do so years later
Most married couples manage even without taking such tests early on 😅
"Not having sex" isn't something valuable in its own right, you aren't getting any bonus points for that — you're just depriving yourself (and presumably the other party too) of some fun and for a rather spurious reason 🤷
@m0xee @kaia
> "Not having sex" isn't something valuable in its own right, you aren't getting any bonus points for that — you're just depriving yourself (and presumably the other party too) of some fun and for a rather spurious reason 🤷
not smoking crack also is depriving myself of some fun for the spurious reason that some people can't handle it and will choose smoking crack all the time instead of long term goals in the future.
sex isn't just some fun, even if 60 years of propaganda say otherwise. the spurious reason is that not giving in to every impulse is good for the psyche.
like, you can just communicate that you don't want to have sex. if there is nothing else to do or this request invokes drama, it's not long term anyway. that goes for both sexes.
@bonifartius
So having sex with the one you like and who presumably likes you is wrong because "sixties propaganda" and because smoking crack is wrong? That makes a lot of sense!
How does this interfere with your long term goals though?
You aren't getting sex out of the way with this, it's the opposite — you might be fueling interest solely with unfulfilled promise of sex, which might play a cruel joke with young people not good at communicating their intentions.
@m0xee @kaia
> So having sex with the one you like and who presumably likes you is wrong
not what i wrote
> "sixties propaganda"
60 years of
> because smoking crack is wrong?
smoking crack it isn't wrong, it's trading short term happiness for long term happiness.
the "sex is cool, but ..." meme is true. sex has been inflated by decades of media. especially the "first time" stuff and getting pressured into having sex to finally be in the cool in-group.
> You aren't getting sex out of the way with this, it's the opposite — you might be fueling interest solely with unfulfilled promise of sex, which might play a cruel joke with young people not good at communicating their intentions.
i wrote: "like, you can just communicate that you don't want to have sex. if there is nothing else to do or this request invokes drama, it's not long term anyway. that goes for both sexes." i am not sure where you get the "unfulfilled promise" out of that.
what _really_ would interest me is why you seem to advise that young people have to fuck (and it's precisely the right wording here) at all cost and that it would be bordering on evil ("cruel joke") to not want to fuck.
