Let me tell you a story of long, long ago.

I grew up in a suburb, and right in front of our house was a field of grass surrounded by houses. Traffic was light, the houses were new so owned by young families (yes, it was so long ago that young families could afford a house) and so there were lots of kids always about outside. Across from us lived a boy my age who was also in my class, and I played with him a lot -- we were good friends. Eating lunch at each others' houses, etc. 1/

I liked him, when it was just the two of us. But at school, he fell in with the two worst bullies of the school. They assembled a group of followers to bully others. One day, a week before my birthday, I was their target, and this boy was part of the group that tried to bully me. (I wouldn't have it, and they moved on to another kid because I wasn't fun to bully.) So when I got home, I reported this to my parents, matter-of-factly. 2/

They got quiet at first. Then they remembered that I had invited this boy to my birthday party next week. "Do you think you want someone who bullies you at your birthdaty party?" my dad asked. I had to think about this for a bit -- of course I hadn't invited the two main bullies, so he'd be OK at the party, but what did it say about our friendship if he would play with me in one context and try to bully me in another? "You should un-invite him," my dad said. 3/

So that evening I would go to his house and tell him that he was not welcome at my birthday party anymore. I think I wandered the streets for quite some time (it had gotten dark already, this was so long ago that seven year old kids could still wander around alone after dark) because I didn't know if I could do it. It was one of the hardest things to ask of a child: go to your friend and tell them you don't want them around you anymore. 4/

But then I thought: "It is _my_ party, and I want to celebrate my birthday surrounded by people who like me in _every_ context." So I rang his doorbell, his parents let me in, and seated in their living room, with his parents present, I un-invited him to my birthday party because of his behaviour at school. When I left, he was very quiet, and I think his parents were impressed with how I handled it. They did not interfere in any way. 5/

When I returned home, I reported that I did go through with it. Later, my dad told me that they had not expected me to actually go through with it. They were impressed as well -- but if you think about it, it totally makes sense: you shouldn't invite someone who bullies you to a space you curate, that is about you and about the way you want to treat people and be treated by other people in return. 6/

Later, after the birthday party, we sort-of made up in that casual way children can do. We never spoke of it again, but I don't think he ever forgot that incident. He never bullied me again, but our friendship never was the same as it was before. Because he had broken my trust, and you can't just casually get back from that. 7/

Now that a fascist party won the election in the Netherlands, there are calls to not treat everyone that voted for them as a racist, because maybe they voted for this party for other reasons. "Love and understanding begets more love and understanding" and all that. To which I say: fuck that. They decided that the racism, homophobia, islamophobia and fascism was not a reason to vote something else. 8/

So many profile pieces in the media about MAGAs after Trump won in 2016. Did they become milder? No, they disgusting fascism just became mainstream. We know where this ends.

_They_ are the bullies, and _we_ get to decide if we want them at our birthday parties. And we don't. I have no empathy for those who lack it completely. 9/9

@heinragas

Were you born int he netherlands? For better or worse this isnt the sort of attitude I expect or expiernce from the Dutch I know. This feels more like a reaction an american or a brit would have than a Dutch person, who is usually less polarized.