Not posted for agreement, if you share please leave my commentary intact, terms and conditions apply.
Like practically every other man, and every other human being regardless of gender, I'm strong in some ways, weak in others. Saying "strong men are ..." anything in particular is part of the problem: it carries with it the implication that men must be strong, in every way and all the time. Well, I feel good when I'm strong, but I'm trying really hard to learn not to beat myself up about weakness. That does nobody any good, not me and not the other people who want me in the world.
Same for other men: our ruthless enforcement of arbitrary rules of masculinity has a lot to do with why we have much higher rates of alcoholism and suicide. I went too far down that road once in my life. I'm not doing it again, and I'm not pushing anyone else down it either.
The older I get, the more I believe there's no real difference between "good man" and "good person who happens to be a man." Good *people* are protective and loving—when they need to be, and also capable of acknowledging when they themselves need protection and love. Good people also, of course, refrain from abuse and spite. When they feel themselves going in that direction, they try to understand what's driving their anger, and open up to the people who love them. The alternative is bottling it up until they lash out, at which point they're no longer good.
Mr. Aleczander's heart is in the right place, I'm sure. I don't criticize him or any man for struggling to reconcile ancient ideas of manhood with overall human decency. Let's all just try not to repeat the same mistakes.
@TAI I see what you're saying. I'm just uncomfortable with keeping the conversation in the "men should do this, and not do that" box. There isn't a single behavior I can think of, good or bad, whose rightness depends on whether it's a man doing it.
@medigoth I just think it should be understood what he's addressing, the argument of what Masculinity is. He's not obligated to take on all of humanity. I think the real point he makes can be applied to your point, neither is exclusive. If we are all to be put into categories, containers, why not let the dividing line simply be who's decent or not? I've been trying to make the point forever that kindness doesn't mean you surrender being tough. It is NOT weakness in that case. purpose or praise?
I don't disagree with you, but I think that his point is that children best grow to be emotionally healthy adults in a home which feels loving and secure, and if the father is absent or too messed up, then the toxicity comes instead.
If we define masculinity as 'that which good men are', then he's exactly right. If good women are essentially the same, all the better. I'd expect him to agree that femininity is nontoxic too.
@medigoth both points are valid, his and yours. It's just a matter of scope, he addresses a category of people, you zoom out and address all people.