spending time around queer people has taught me that: you can commit any kind of atrocity as long as you look and sound non-threatening, do not raise your voice, and sprinkle the right "nya" and "uwu" around
you can freely do the most controlling shit imaginable and then, once your target lashes out at you once, you can use that to convince others they are ontologically evil
once you understand that, you realize that your emotions must necessarily be instrumental; you cannot express things sincerely, but can only show that which advances you towards the outcome you want. others will lie to you in their every word to advance their goals; you achieve force parity by acting the same way
what one looks like, how one sounds like, what one feels, what one thinks, how one express oneself, what one believes--none of these things fundamentally matter, neither for you nor for others
the only thing that matters is what one Wants, because one always does what one wants, by definition. any statement to the contrary is a distraction for gullible people
teach yourself to know what you Want and what others Want and it won't make you less miserable--chances are, you'll be significantly sadder in the end--but you won't be left in a situation where you're lost and confused and the world is burning around you and there's no exit again.
@whitequark Is it still helpful if what you want is an environment where people make statements when they believe them to be true? (Or, upstream of that, where talking with someone who professes something you think is false is always useful, because at least one of you two will learn something.)
