Animal cruelty, gardening, sarcasm
How to make a perfect lawn if you have dogs:
– kill the dogs
– bury them under the lawn
– wait a while and watch grass booming as all those additional nutrients from decomposing bodies work their magic.
Or do the human thing: fuck perfect lawns.
Animal cruelty, gardening, sarcasm
@gorfram Yes, of course, fuck perfect lawns. A lawn friendly to all kinds of animals, plants, and fungi, are great. And this idea of putting a body in the ground to have a better garden is beautiful – unfortunately Polish law prohibits my family from burying my body under the vegetable patch :)
Animal cruelty, gardening, sarcasm
@szescstopni If Polish law doesn’t prohibit burying small(-ish) deceased animals in your backyard, & you don’t mind messing with it, you could always emulate Uncle Bud. Everyone in the neighborhood knew to call him when there was a dead animal to be disposed of; & he’d be right over & scoop it with a shovel.
Not the same kind of fun as being buried there yourself, of course; but his tiny backyard was probably the most productive patch of garden around.
Animal cruelty, gardening, sarcasm
@szescstopni *when he & my aunt had both passed away & it turned out none of my cousins wanted the house; I was seriously bummed at not being able to buy a house way too big for my needs, which I could not possibly afford, & located within meteorological & political climates I probably could not withstand; just for that patch of garden.
Animal cruelty, gardening, sarcasm
@szescstopni
See, but- my uncle would use roadkill to enhance his garden; & he found through experiment that such protein-rich animal matter really needs to be buried 3-4 deep. He mostly buried opossums, so a pekinese or teacup poodle would be a lot easier. A Labrador Retriever, however…
Plus, getting the burials numerous & well-distributed enough to feed a lawn perfectly evenly would be challenging, to say the least.
Better to say “Fuck perfect lawns.” 🤣