Dear Government,

A coronavirus has ravaged our country, in fact, the entire world.

Only 99.9999999999% of our children have survived.

Only 99.7% of adults have survived. I am so scared right now. And honestly, I don’t know where we, the remnant few that have survived, would be if it weren’t for you.

I sincerely appreciate you doing everything you can to keep us safe by using coercion to close small family businesses, saddling them with debt, pushing them into bankruptcy and poverty. Also thank you for keeping my favourite McDonald’s, Walmart, Liquor and Cannabis stores open to help reduce the spread and keep me healthy and safe.

Our health care system, which was perfect before covid and never had any bed shortages, is now completely overwhelmed.

In order to prevent our hospitals from being further overwhelmed, I am calling on you to ensure that all healthy, law-abiding, tax-paying healthcare workers, who have served so diligently during this pandemic, and who likely had pre-existing immunity or have acquired natural immunity, BUT sadly believe in bodily autonomy, be TERMINATED, effective immediately.

In addition, I have a couple other small requests. Please make sure that they are ineligible for the EI they’ve been paying into over the course of their career as I think this will help to increase the risk of these unpeople defaulting on their mortgage payment, are forcing them to find rental accommodations.

Actually, that gives me another idea. If it’s not too much to ask, I was wondering if you could use some of our tax dollars, or maybe just print more money, and use it to persuade other essential businesses, like the REAL essential ones that meet the basic human need for shelter - like hotels and apartment buildings - to discriminate against these people (the healthy, law abiding citizens who believe in bodily autonomy, as referenced above) by not permitting them on your premises.

Shoot so sorry - one last thing. Can you then also make it a requirement that in order to enter a soup kitchen or emergency Shelter that for that too one must be double vaxxed?

I’m so happy we’re all in this together. If you can do the above, then I think we can finally get back to normal.

Sincerely,

Obedient enlightened and morally superior concerned citizen