AmberWavesoFlame @AmberWavesofFlame@qoto.org

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd And the thing that is sinking in right now is how that story is SO OBVIOUSLY about #ADHD.

My grandpa felt utterly ashamed.

He missed the window to pick my dad up. Maybe he forgot the day. Maybe he had time blindness and it got so late he couldn’t bring himself to show up.

ANY of us that has #ADHD knows this feeling:

The feeling of missing the ONE important thing.

Of forgetting something nobody else would EVER forget.

And we all know the stinging shame, the absolute humiliation, of the messages we believe about that mistake.

That we don’t really give a shit.

That we must not *really* care.

That we must not love our kid.

And the one that is making me cry here on the floor of my office: that we must be the shittiest parent on planet Earth.

He must have thought he was SUCH a horrible person. 💔

And so… he just vanished.

He believed he was a horrible dad, and he believed my dad was probably better off without him. And so he just disappeared from my dad’s life. He missed his own son’s ENTIRE CHILDHOOD because #ADHD made him believe he really was worthless.

This disorder hurts us DEEPLY. Living in an ableist society with ADHD tears up many of our lives. It tears holes in our families and holes in our hearts. It makes us feel like failures and like a waste of space within humanity.

So, I want to take responsibility for my careless and insensitive comment about “superpowers”/career/income. It was deeply off. It didn’t take into account the LUCK that I have experienced. It ignored my privilege as a white, able-bodied, cis-gendered male. It sucked.

Yes it gets to be okay that I am a person with #ADHD who will run out of dopamine and make “careless mistakes” (official wording in the DSM V I believe) during a task or activity.

It’s also okay to own that mistake and correct course when I have more dopamine the next day. 8/

@actuallyautistic @actuallyadhd But when the phrase “you have so much potential!” is used with a kid with #ADHD, whether intended or not, it is most often an ablist, micro-aggressive dig at their disability that tells the child that they should be striving for things that are actually impossible.

And then when the kid with #ADHD tries with ALL THEIR MIGHT to bridge the gap (examples below) to please the adult—to “meet their potential” in other words—they fail. Predictably. Naturally. And tragically. And the adult is disappointed in them.

And the problem is, it doesn’t stop there. Because at that point, often the adult is invested, and the adult’s ego is also on the line. So they say “okay, try again! Don’t give up! You can do it!” And the kid tries harder. And fails again. And again. And again.

And THEN the adult starts providing lots of ideas that help neurotypical folks saying “you can meet your potential if you just use these tools!” (Alarms, planners, apps, schedules, reminders, whatever.) And the kid has hope, and tries AGAIN. And fails AGAIN. And at this point

The adult is exasperated and doesn’t understand why their “help” as a teacher or parent or counselor isn’t working. And the kid doesn’t understand either. And that’s when other horrible messages really take hold. Like “lazy” and “messy” and “unmotivated” and “disobedient.”

And the adult actually believes those labels because the adult really *could* see “potential” (like high IQ, or amazing musical aptitude, or incredible athletic ability) and now really believes the kid must just not *want* to get to rehearsal in time (or whatever)

And the kid… that poor #ADHD kid is SO confused. Because they DO love the sport or skill or interest and they really DO love the adult and want to please them. And they didn’t. Over and over.

So they really MUST just be lazy. Or unmotivated. Or careless. Or inconsiderate. /2

[Me: The author is referring to ADHD only, but holy shit this applies to ND folk in general]

I just read -- in the book SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO by Jess Hill -- about the incident in Stockholm for which Stockholm Syndrome is named, and I am royally pissed off on behalf of all women, buckle up.

@DavidCorn

“Even key individuals who worked closely with President Trump to try to overturn the 2020 election on January 6th ultimately admitted that they lacked actual evidence sufficient to change the election result, and they admitted that what they were attempting was unlawful.”
~January 6th Committee, Executive Summary, page 4
https://s3.documentcloud.org/documents/23466439/j6-executive-summary.pdf

EVERYONE involved in the #TrumpCoupAttempt needs to be held accountable in order to protect US democracy.

#Jan6 #Jan6th #January6th

Alex Jones' attorney has law license suspended after Sandy Hook misconduct

#AlexJones

https://www.rawstory.com/norm-pattissandy-hook/