@thor you're obviously still interested in IT, maybe try a different path? I know it's easy for me to say, but webdev is basically hell and there's a lot of avenues in IT that are much more interesting and hair-, heart- and soul-friendly. (Pretty much all of them xD)
I'm currently developing an internal tool. One platform, one major use case, clients are fellow employees. It's so much nicer than dealing with the lovecraftian horror that is the state of Internet websites and browsers in the 2020s that I had to work with previously and that nearly drove me to hate software dev which was my passion since childhood. And that's just scratching the surface with something I personally find decent to work with, a friend of mine programs robots for a living, which seems closer to your interests and is also cool as fuck.