Andy Lowry @AndyLowry@qoto.org

As I was wrapping up my sit this morning and putting everything away, I startled the cat with an involuntary laugh because I had a sudden flash of how much of a weirdo I've gradually become over the years.

The first priest I was able to find to study with and receive the precepts from without traveling hundreds of miles was of a Chinese Linji lineage that did things a little differently than the usual Soto routines I was more used to. One of these differences was that when we recited the refuges, we did them in Pali. Not sure why, never asked him. It was kind of cool to know that we were making approximately the same sounds* as have been disturbing the air for more than a couple thousand years-- a sense of connection to the past, and a bringing of the past into the present.

That got me interested in other Pali recitations, so I added a few to my usual pre- and post-sit routines. Like either the five or eight precepts from early Buddhism in addition to the usual Mahayana ten. (The collection of eight I use isn't the one with the high beds and such, but the one that breaks down the trainings regarding speech into three instead of one.)

There are lots more little things that have been added to my little cobbled-together system, like admixtures of Soto and Rinzai methods, but I don't want to burden my instance's server with one of my usual walls of text. 😉 On the rare occasions when I have an opportunity to sit with other people, I get a little unsettled because I feel like I'm skipping stuff I should be doing. OH NO I'M DOING IT WRONG. 🙄

*I later discovered that the pronounciations were a bit off, especially the dotted-m sound, but close enough. 🙂

#zen

@alanthwaits@noc.social
Thanks for the boost on that Schwinn, "Alan Watts." Really took me back for a moment. I think we have similar tastes in things generally, as I follow just about everything you boost up! Hope your new year is fabulous and that the damn cancer stays in remission. You tell it I said so.

Another brief thought on the dying thing: I'm continually surprised by how deeply into the trivial this uncharted territory goes. I'm regularly presented with little decisions that it never occurred to me I'd have to make, like: Which of these email service subscriptions is the most suitable? By the month? Six months? 🤔 😉

I'm pretty sure I could do with a new set of glasses, but does that expense really even make sense at this point? I could have some enjoyable lunches with friends instead.

And on and on. It strays into the absurd sometimes, which at least makes me laugh, so that's good. 😎

#cancer

Now that my lifespan is no longer open-ended and undefined, I've spent some time trying to decide between two approaches as to the best use of my remaining time. One, which I did fall into for a few weeks, was to rush! rush! hurry! to try to pack in as much living as possible. As you're probably smarter than me, you've likely already guessed that this is not really a great approach. It's like skimming over waves rather than comfortably floating on my back and watching the clouds.

I'm now doing just the opposite-- taking time to appreciate each everyday event as it comes up by itself. I'm deliberately using little tricks to slow myself down, like:

1. Wearing cowboy boots. As my sense of balance has been a bit impaired by the now-burned-up brain tumor, and was already damaged by the chemo, this forces me to walk deliberately and carefully. "Walking like I mean it," as a friend describes it. 😉

2. Switching to using fountain pens. Now I write more slowly and carefully, as it's hard to just scribble something quickly with such a pen. There's also the little mini-ritual of uncapping the pen and lining up the cap "just so" to position it symmetrically. I'm surprised at how much better this has caused my note-taking to be. (Though I do do a lot of typing, I have a couple of topics I'm researching for enjoyment and tend to prefer written notes to typed as I read and study.)

Should anyone have any suggestions for more little speed bumps like these, I'd be glad to hear them!

#cancer