Karpman drama triangle (reading notes)

Karpman’s triangle is a simple tool for conceptualizing the dynamics of dysfunctional roles in conflict and for mapping the role changes as the conflict grows.

This is a very simple and visual tool which, if you saw this played out before (everybody did, but some do not realise it), you immediately recognise what it is about.

Start of reading and resources: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_drama_triangle
Another very good resource: https://bpdfamily.com/content/karpman-drama-triangle

Karpman Drama Triangles - Pathological Conflict

(summary extracts)

Karpman observed that in conflict and drama, there is “good guy vs bad guy” thinking. He also observed that the participants become drawn in, even seduced, by the energy that the drama generates. The drama obscures the real issues.* Confusion and upset escalates. Solutions are no longer the focus.

Karpman defined three roles in the “transaction”; Persecutor, Rescuer (the one up positions) and Victim (one down position).

• The victim is not an actual victim, but rather someone feeling or acting like a victim. Even though the victim is actually acting, nonetheless, the victim sincerely feels victimized, oppressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed, and seems unable to make decisions, solve problems, take pleasure in life, or achieve insight. The victim’s stance is “Poor me!”
• The Persecutor is controlling, blaming, critical, oppressive, angry, authoritative, rigid, and superior - self righteous. The persecutor insists, “It’s all your fault.”
• The Rescuer is a classic enabler. The rescuer feels guilty if he/she doesn’t rescue. Yet his/her rescuing has negative effects: it keeps the victim dependent and gives the victim permission to fail. It also keeps the rescuer stuck in focusing energy on someone else’s problems, not solving his/her own. The rescuer’s line is “Let me help you.”

Drama triangles form when participants who are predispositioned to adopt the roles of a drama triangle come together over an issue.

Motives

The roles of a victim and persecutor (whether existent, or not) are rather obvious:

The victim starts or catalyzes the formation of the drama triangle. The victim, if not being “persecuted”, will seek out a persecutor and also a rescuer who will “save” the day but also perpetuate the victim ‘s negative feelings. Any time that we don’t take responsibility for our feelings and make ourselves out to be a victim, we are setting the stage for a drama triangle to form, and failure.

Now the role of a rescuer is an intriguing one:

The actions of the rescuer are often pivotal and tend to drive the conflict intensity level by how aggressively they respond. The motivations of the rescuer are the least obvious…In the terms of the drama triangle, the rescuer is someone who has a mixed motive and is actually benefiting in some way for being “the one who rescues”.

This is intriguing stuff. Note to self: explore more of the rescuer hidden dynamics. The surface is clear.

Escape

Diagnosing many conflicts around is often relatively straightforward. There are of course more complex cases (such as in movies, or family dynamics, etc.), but most cases could be relatively well analysed.

Now the interesting question is how to get out of this.

They identify two strategies:

1. Move to the center. Stop participating as a victim, rescuer or persecutor. Instead, find and hold a center position. The center of the drama triangle contains elements of each corner - it is a combination of sensitivity, compassion, and responsibility - with a solutions focus, even if the solution is retreat.
2. Refuse to accept your opponent’s force. Do not struggle with the other participants in the triangle, or yield to them. Instead, make a counter move with one opponent that allows them to fully take an awkward, indefensible, or unreasonable position. If you have successfully taken the center, your opponent will back off, rather than unmasking themselves and their exaggerated role.

These are both very useful strategies. Both are bold and firm. In a way, this very much reminds me of Aikido philosophy:

aiki refers to the martial arts principle or tactic of blending with an attacker’s movements for the purpose of controlling their actions with minimal effort. One applies aiki by understanding the rhythm and intent of the attacker to find the optimal position and timing to apply a counter-technique.

Preventing triangle formation

Useful once you know how this stuff works. But the first few times, we tend to fall into drama triangles head-first with very damaging consequences.

• Refuse to be Superior or Inferior: To break the dynamic of superior/inferior requires us to learn to accept differences and similarities between ourselves and others as neither good nor bad.
• Stop The Poor Me Game. Stop Being a Victim In order to stop being a victim, we will have to be willing to accept the actual circumstances of our relationship with the other person.
• Stop The Blame Game. Don’t be a Persecutor It also means we will take responsibility for how we act and feel around the other person without taking the attitude that the other person is controlling our feelings or actions.
• Stop Fixing the other person. Don’t be a Rescuer Giving up rescuing the other person is an action, not a discussion. It isn’t something to announce to the other person. It isn’t something to negotiate with the other person. It isn’t something to threaten the other person with. It is all action.

On rescuer role

The rescuer also sees others as one-down and not okay but the rescuer responds by offering help from a one up position. The rescuer believes “I have to help all these people because they’re not capable of helping themselves”. Rescuers work hard to help other people and often neglect their own needs. They can use guilt to keep their victims dependent and feel guilty themselves if they’re not rescuing somebody.
– Lewis Psychology channel/Youtube

This is very interesting. So the rescuer is also triggered by grandiosity/entitlement schema, but their coping strategy is overcompensation, instead of submission of the persecutor.

each drama triangle role entails a discount. So the rescuer discounts the ability of others to think for themselves and act on their own initiative. A victim discounts themselves and their own ability to problem solve or initiate change and the persecutor discounts others feelings and their value let’s look at another example and gain
– Lewis Psychology channel/Youtube