OMG!! 😱 The apocalypse is next week!! No...wait a minute, it’s actually going to be in three months and seven days!! (give or take a few here or there). And if you send $9.99 to PO Box 555, Pasadena, CA 91102, we’ll send an informative pamphlet and a special gift to ensure you and your family are safe and secure in this unprecedented time of peril in our country, er, for the planet!!!