Hi #qoto ! I think we've gotten to know each other well enough that I'd like to share a bit about #philosophy and how, specifically, it fits into my mushy, mushy brain. I do enjoy sharing this part of myself, so, I'll be honest here- I'm sharing because I want to and I will enjoy doing so.

My personal philosophy is a constructed mess based on my personal experiences, as one would expect. My life, the events there in, my upbringing. Nominally, I'm an Absurdist.

I was brought up fairly religious. Judaism is a very important force among the maternal side of my family. My Mother is very religious, albeit her own flavor of relatively orthodox Judaism. A lot of feminism, and free thought involved in my mother's teachings there.

We said prayers every night. We went to synagogue often. Judaism will always be a core component of my identity, even if I am no longer religious. I identify with my people and their struggles. I identify with their philosophies and thinking- even though I don't believe in any sort of god/God as described by most Abrahamic faiths.

What, exactly, is my 'brand' of Absurdism?

First, I'll need to define standard Absurdism. I'm going to pull directly from Wikipedia here- it's about as good a definition as I can find, and probably better than what I'd come up with myself:

"In philosophy, "the Absurd" refers to the conflict between the human tendency to seek inherent value and meaning in life and the human inability to find any. In this context absurd does not mean "logically impossible", but rather "humanly impossible". The universe and the human mind do not each separately cause the Absurd, but rather, the Absurd arises by the contradictory nature of the two existing simultaneously. " - Quoted directly from Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absurdism

That, I feel, sums it up fairly well.

With that in mind, I'll come to how I deal with 'the Absurd'.

Life has no meaning. None of us are supposed to be here. We are, honestly, just lucky to have survived as long as we have. There was no guiding hand, or special consideration in our evolution and in the nature of our existences.

Some people would say that's a fairly dark and depressing viewpoint. I respectfully disagree.

I disagree because I feel that sort of extraordinary luck is amazing. Somehow, someway, we've so far managed to survive to a point where we can actually look at ourselves and our universe and explore and discover and learn.

There is no meaning of life given to us from an external being- because, in my view, there is no external being.

And, perhaps more importantly, if there is such an external being they clearly don't give any thought to us. We're too small. Too insignificant.

Any being with the ability to create something as vast and enormous and complicated as our universe wouldn't care at all about the individual person. Not one bit- no more than you care about an individual cell in your body. You worry about the whole system- not the individuals.

In the scope of the Universe? We don't matter. At all.

That being said, there is an important thing to remember: We are thinking, feeling beings who are able to craft and create our own meanings- which, let's face it, is pretty spectacular. We can decide for ourselves our whys. Other animals don't do this- at least, not that we are aware of.

This is where thing's get exciting and truly fantastic.

With the ability to decide for yourself- given to you by totally random chance- you are able to explore the meanings in your life. Your personal reason to live.

I choose to seek beauty wherever I go. I don't always find it- but I try damned hard. My meaning is to discover and explore beauty, in particularly in dark and desolate places. I understand dark and desolate places intimately. My brain doesn't make the proper chemicals in the proper amounts and so I've spend many, many years in dark and lonely places for no external reason whatsoever.

It gives you time to think, at least.

I started seeing the beauty in myself. In my thought processes. It was all very masturbatory at first, to be honest. Starting inside my own head and starting to flow outside myself.

I learned that hope is not the opposite of despair.

I learned that hope is the waiting for something external to change my life.

I'm the one who needs to change my life. I'm the one in control of my worldview and I choose how I personally interface with reality.

That discovery, for me, was liberating and empowering.

Extremely so. That I'm the one who dictates my reality. When you say it that seems obvious- but to really internalize it as I had? Enlightening.

I started to pull into that philosophy from my childhood. Thing's I'd learned in my study of Judaism and the exploration of my previously held religious beliefs.

The Baal Shem Tov ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baal_Shem_Tov ) had a story, or philosophy attributed to him that has always resonated with me.

I'll keep it short and paraphrased: You can only recognize in others elements of yourself.

If perfect people exist they would be invisible because they'd be completely alien beings. We can't relate with perfection due to the vast gulf of imperfection that is being human. You recognize the asshole because you yourself have those same impulses and behaviors or have had them in the past.

At the time, I was feeling very isolated. The idea- the beautiful idea- that I was not so different from that douchebag down the road was, again, liberating.

Because I have a choice to find beauty. In myself and in others. TO find understanding.

But, you may ask, what about the ugly things in life- of which there are many- What of those?