i think this is probably one of the most awful things friedan ever said and it really gets to the core of what was wrong with the early feminist beliefs that produced the monstrosity of modern feminism: devaluation of womanhood and jealousy of men. note also the fetishization of the holy Career that has become a core obsession of modern feminism
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note how love is utterly missing from all of this. life is all about Self-Actualization and Growing Up and Winning. her husband and children seem more an abstract, oppressive political entity than family, and friedan isn't even one of those political lesbian types - she was outright homophobic, considering men the only legitimate partners women could have, which just makes it all worse. imagine being so self-fixated you'd even *consider* choosing a ｃａｒｅｅｒ over your husband or your wife.

maybe this is because i have bpd and love is just a qualitatively higher order of thing to borderlines (from what i've seen from normies, i strongly suspect it is), but to me, relationships are what *matter* in life. work, houses, money, politics, education, everything else - it's all transient, a means to an end, and partnership *is* that end. lovers, spouses, and kids - those are the people you move heaven and earth to care for, the people you defy the laws of man and scorn the wrath of gods to defend. the idea of giving up someone you ostensibly love in order to pursue a career is incomprehensible to me, like a mortal human trying to comprehend cthulhu's politics.

@velartrill Self-Actualization actually can mean all of that you said but by taking it as having a "successful career" then I agree with your discontent.

In the most general sense self-actualization is just the pursuit of one's ultimate goals, trying to become the person you envision yourself as. The process of self-actualization is often called "becoming who you are". In your case, nourishing a relationship and taking care of your SO and kids would be a process of self-actualization.

Normies can be defined in many ways but they are usually mundane and not driven people. Happy with just living one day after the other.
You on the other hand seem to be very driven, particularly to developing relationships. Idk if this is because of bpd as you say, but from personal experience I can say that, were the values to which you are driven different , the observation about normies would still be the same.

@compass_straight_edge have you considered that your personal definition of "self-actualization" may not be universal

@velartrill That's not my definition, it's a common term in psychology. It appeared in the mid if the 20th century, idk when that book was written though.
I don't even know what book that is.