Hi! I'm your local paper. My headlines include such gems as:
unidentified local road to be closed from an unspecified date for some duration
Warning! Major water leak! Can you guess where?
Terrible crash on a main road which has two carriageways and covers over 30 miles and we're not telling which or where
This local restaurant knows how to cook spaghetti
@neil
* Angry people pointing at Bins.
* Glum teenagers holding up miscreant trainers next to a glowering mum with bad hair.
* Tributes to man who we can infer single-handedly kept local pub in business
