when i had a credit card, it was impossible to resist spending with it, and quite easy to resist paying it down quickly. i knew how you're supposed to use a credit card, but i couldn't control myself.

i had no fear of future consequences, and later, i learned that i had #ADHD. being a bit blind to the future is a classic trait of that disorder. you're aware that the future exists, but you can't make yourself care. the future doesn't feel real, so it's easy to dismiss it.

it also makes it hard to work on long term goals. you can set them, but they are easy to dismiss when they become inconvenient, since the future is just hypothetical until it arrives. it's hard to plan and stay on track for a future that doesn't feel convincing to you.

more on #ADHD time blindness: people are often shocked when i tell them the short time scales i work on. where they're talking months or years down the line, i'm talking days or weeks. they just seem too distant in time for me otherwise. most of the important goals you focus on as an adult happen on longer timescales, and such long term goals just feel hypothetical to me. i easily lose sight of them and drop them because they might as well be imaginary to me. it makes a lot of things difficult when you can't stay on track with things.