They're after me... @frickinLasers@qoto.org

I’m unlovable, but just think of the money I’m saving

I developed a large vocabulary to avoid words I couldn't spell.

It should count as sit-ups if you have to rock yourself back and forth to gain momentum so you can stand up from your chair after lunch

It’s a sad day when the Diary of Anne Frank is literally hiding under the floorboards of a Florida school. #FloridaBookBan #BookBans

@scrumm if it weren’t for birth control pills,
I’d never know what day it was.

In honour of freedom of expression, and in protest against the #BookBans that are being forced on children by 'freedom fighters' from the American right, here are 50 books you should immediately go out and buy, starting with "Gender Queer: A Memoir" by Maia Kobabe:

https://www.cbsnews.com/pictures/the-50-most-banned-books-in-america/

Very few socks mate for life

I threw out Marie Kondo because she didn't spark any joy.

#CleaningTipsAndTricks
#HashtagGames

I clean up my house the way I clean up my life. Shove everything in the corner and hope no one notices.

Turns out you can't just drop your kid off on Take Your Child to Work Day. You have to stay there with them.

Brick road printer 🖨️

CASHIER: have a nice day
ME: how

Before the invention of the handle, if you needed to carry something, you were pretty much out of luck

Remember these ABCs of first aid, they could help you save a life:

A
Bone
Coming through your skin is bad news

Have a good Tuesday and remember we're all just faking it, so do whatever it is you do and channel that big cat energy.

#meme #cats #wisdom #inspiring #advice #MotherSuspiriasMorningMeme

it's nice the way dogs will sense when you're feeling down and so they come cuddle you to tryand make you feel better; sort of like how a cat can sense when you really have to go to the bathroom so she comes over and falls asleep on you

omw to steal yr girl

Hundreds of Children Seeking Asylum in U.K. Are Missing - The New York Times

This needs to be such a scandal that Britain knows the entire civilized world is watching

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/01/26/world/europe/uk-asylum-seekers-children-missing.html

When I figure out which coworker has been pilfering my kale and quinoa snacks I'm gonna invite them over to empty the rest of my fridge too

My favorite video game is slapping the Skip Ads button on YouTube