They're after me... @frickinLasers@qoto.org

I clean up my house the way I clean up my life. Shove everything in the corner and hope no one notices.

Turns out you can't just drop your kid off on Take Your Child to Work Day. You have to stay there with them.

Brick road printer 🖨️

CASHIER: have a nice day
ME: how

Before the invention of the handle, if you needed to carry something, you were pretty much out of luck

Remember these ABCs of first aid, they could help you save a life:

A
Bone
Coming through your skin is bad news

Have a good Tuesday and remember we're all just faking it, so do whatever it is you do and channel that big cat energy.

#meme #cats #wisdom #inspiring #advice #MotherSuspiriasMorningMeme

it's nice the way dogs will sense when you're feeling down and so they come cuddle you to tryand make you feel better; sort of like how a cat can sense when you really have to go to the bathroom so she comes over and falls asleep on you

omw to steal yr girl

Hundreds of Children Seeking Asylum in U.K. Are Missing - The New York Times

This needs to be such a scandal that Britain knows the entire civilized world is watching

https://www.nytimes.com/2023/01/26/world/europe/uk-asylum-seekers-children-missing.html

When I figure out which coworker has been pilfering my kale and quinoa snacks I'm gonna invite them over to empty the rest of my fridge too

My favorite video game is slapping the Skip Ads button on YouTube

LinkedIn is social media the same way that thing with cake in the conference room last Friday was a “party.”


#LinkedIn #SocialMedia

I set a 90-day timer on all of my posts and wrote a macro so that they’ll auto-edit and be replaced with sequential segments of the Alf erotic fanfiction I started writing when I was twelve, so start preparing for Mastodon to get REALLY weird.

Anything by REM
#HashtagGames​
#SongsOrMoviesAboutSleepwalking

Somnambulists Like It Hot

#SongsOrMoviesAboutSleepWalking
#HashtagGames

The worst part about sneezing is losing the food in your mouth.

Twitter, which recently suspended my account and the accounts of several other journalists, allows verified accounts to post recruitment videos urging American soldiers to join Russia's Wagner Group PMC, which is designated as a transnational criminal organization by the US government.

THIS.

The Globus INK (1967) is a remarkable piece of Soviet spacecraft equipment. Its rotating globe showed cosmonauts the position of their Soyuz spacecraft. An electromechanical analog computer, it used gears, cams, and differentials to compute the position. Let's look inside 🧵