I joked about my a few days ago, but jokes aside, I do have a real and I think it is worth sharing.

qoto.org/@girls_can/1096111627

So here it is: my 2023 is to become a . What do I mean by that? The 1960s, 70s, and 80s were a slower time with objectively lower expectations for professors. Classes were smaller and so were budgets. The pace of publishing was more manageable and overall people seemed to engage in more deep though, synthesis, and reflection.
The hectic pace and toxic productivity of has transformed the professoriate into manic information capitalists.

I was reading by @maxliboiron and encountered the concept of extractive reading, which really resonated. I want to sit with texts, not mine them for valuable nuggets. I want to build good relations with my students, mentors and research partners. I want to lay deep, thoughtful academic roots. I want to spend more time lifting people up than climbing to the summit of some achievement mountain. I want to focus on the parts of the job that nourish me.

In the pre-tenure slog I grew my research program like a cancer, always afraid to say “no.” Convinced I had to seize every opportunity and constantly prove my worth. And now I have brought in millions in research money, graduated >20 grad students, published >60 papers, expanded my lab footprint, and been promoted. And you know what? It still doesn’t feel successful enough. It never will. Because there is no end to the academic rat race (except burnout or retirement if that arrives first)

I’ve long sought a way to ramp down my research program to something more sustainable. But the only path seemed to be curmudgeonhood and bad Dept relations. You know this model; your department has one. The prof who avoids all service except for prestige roles and is so aggressively terrible at teaching that their classes are tiny and made degree optional. They’re like the academic honey badger who just does what they want and collegiality be damned. I don’t want that. I want good relations.

I was reading Sarah Cooley’s blog about how identity and gets tangled up in the job, and how the issue is more profound than a lack of work-life balance. She described it as an : being on an . Just like a drug, the successes have to keep getting bigger to even register. The highs are brief and the hustle is all you really have. Check it out: sarah-cooley.com/blog/2023/1/2

@girls_can "You live for the fight when that's all that you've got."

But that ain't no way to live. Success looks very different for every person. I think i shoot for something more like the ending of Candide, where (spoilers) everyone takes a step back from rushing to the next big gold quest and tends their "garden."

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@IsaacOstlund that’s a beautiful idea. I’m going to step back and tend my research garden for the next half of my career and I hope this helps others tend their own gardens by making space and modelling this approach for my students.

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