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Do you hate the feeling of being a useless spectator while your mate is laboring to bring your child into the world? Consider hiring "prowling sorcerers" who you can fend off with a spear!
(Note: This will likely not be covered by insurance.)
"Now, I see your birth plan involves Mike standing guard at the door with a spear because of... prowling sorcerers?"
"Yes, they can be very tricky."