sometimes I read an anecdote or advice that includes the statement that it doesn't cost anything to be kind
but it does, sometimes
usually not money
demeaning someone else can improve one's group status (e.g., a clever put-down garnering accolades) or feelings of self-righteousness or relative self-worth; being kind sacrifices that
being kind when one's peer group has decided otherwise can cost social acceptance
kindness is a good habit and often leads to good things
but isn't always free
@brainwane I think it is true though that people overestimate some of these things, so on average this advice is moving people in the right direction.
My 7 year old is a great kid but he hates getting in any kind of trouble so he often tries to avoid blame. I had to explain to him that yeah it sucks taking the blame for stuff but counter intuitively people really appreciate when you are quick to accept blame and own up to your mistakes.
@brainwane I will also note I see a huge correlation between kindness and happiness. Could easily be that happy and secure people feel they have a lot of slack to be kind as well, but when my instinct is to not be kind or forgiving or accepting and I am able to overcome it or actually genuinely feels really good.