so i must have brought myself down one rung on the self-hate scale because i now only consider myself a wasted opportunity instead of a total waste of life

i guess you could say nothing has changed and i'm only looking at things from a less pessimistic perspective

but that's basically all there is to feeling good about your life when you only get one shot at it

i'm glad i experienced (most) of the things i did, i'm sad that there are already things i won't have the chance to experience this life. what can i really do other than plan ahead and hope for the best

the shit circumstances i had in late childhood throughout late teens are most of what led to the development of what i consider decent values to live by and make other lives better, but they also turned me into a miserable mess that on average hates being alive, so ???????? life lemons lemonade idk