Hello there! If you see some stranger with for amazing trousers or amazing hair, do you think it's ok to compliment them? (Compliment ≠ sexual harassment)
I'm also interested in your thoughts if you want to share.
@PurpleShadow .hg We're not completely sure why, but—as creatures who were amab and routinely get misgendered as male—we're very uncomfortable complimenting strangers' outfits. The relevant rule that we have (based purely on personal comfort) is that we would only compliment a stranger's dress if we were also wearing a dress or a skirt. I guess that could be extended to hair as “only compliment a stranger's hair if one's own hair is also unnaturally colored, in a very uncommon style, or visibly elaborate”?
@PurpleShadow .hg Trying to nail down our feelings on being on the other side of this, too. We actually did get complimented on our skirt recently and it…we don't know how we feel about that. It definitely wasn't unambiguously positive.
On the other hoof, every time we've been complimented on a flag cape has felt good!
…/almost/ every time.
@PurpleShadow .hg Also, as a note, a compliment absolutely /can/ be sexual harassment. You have to be careful.
complimenting strangers
@PurpleShadow .hg trying to nail it down, came up with this:
complimenting strangers
@PurpleShadow .hg
* Don't block their path or step in front of them.
* Don't alter your trajectory or speed to make the compliment. Don't approach them unless you would have anyway (e.g. because passing in opposite directions). Don't slow down or stop unless you would have anyway (e.g. because joining a queue).
* The further away they are, and the louder you would have to make your voice, the more awkward|bad it is—although their outfit being /particularly/ odd can justify this somewhat. Past a certain distance, just don't.
* Keep it terse and focused. Only mention the part of the outfit that most stood out to you. Don't add anything else. “Hey, I like your dress!” is fine. “Hey /beautiful/, I like your dress” is very not.
* Be careful with your tone. Keep it friendly and…(neutral? distant?). Don't express any sexual or romantic interest.
* Don't continue the interaction unless they give a /long/ reply or ask you a genuine question.
