I look at news here sometimes and I feel last week somehow destroyed and crushed my mind.

That case of United Healthcare and public reveal of their cruel business practices leading to deaths of vulnerable people.

Mainstream media outrage about rich man's death when ignoring killed kids, both in own country and in Palestine.

Women in Iran arrested (later probably killed/tortured?) because of hijabs.

Whistleblower dead (not the first this year) and whatever truth is, nobody would be found guilty.

It's possible Arctic ice would disappear in next 5 years. But governments see a bigger problem in climate protests, not in corporations literally burning only planet we have.

Thousands of people one paycheck from eviction, homelessness and hunger. And even if someone wants to donate, they couldn't save them all.

I don't want to exist in this unjust living hell.
Everyday I beg every deity I could think of for end of this world, Apocalypse, some celestial body hitting Earth or something... Or maybe this is a proof no intelligent "higher power" exists. Because if it would, it would do something about this pointless, cold-blooded cruelty of the rich and powerful against vulnerable.

I constantly think about that "Fifth Element" scene when Leeloo learnt about war and cried. Now we need a movie where superhero seeing these things would say something "no, f**k off, you deserved your fate" and refuses to save the world.

I don't enjoy action movies/books and fantasy anymore - because it's usually about preserving rotten status quo. And something in me wants to ask with anger "is it worth saving at all?!".

I feel all I can do is curling up and crying. And sleep, or play games, read fiction, everything to distract and not look at this reality anymore. Because looking - and powerlessness - hurts so much.

I am sorry for this pessimism. And I am so tired and exhausted.

#news #dystopia #dystopian