I haven’t felt the loving touch of a woman in three years.
It’s getting to me

It’s interesting how there are those that ask everything from you or nothing. I have yet to find anyone that just wants to give.

As a guy that just spent two days working on a friend’s car as best he could; I realize that what I do for others, not a single person has ever done like I have to the extent that I do outside of one occasion.

Always, “hey if I help you with this, you can help me with this” bullshit. There’s only two people i can think of like me, but they are busy almost all the time helping others.

People like us aren’t there for each other, because we are always chasing others.

I’m starting to wonder if I’m only liked by others because of what they take

@FailurePersonified it's unhealthy to only give. It digs the hole of low self esteem ever deeper. If you can't give to yourself as well as others then there is a deep-rooted issue. Equal give and take is the backbone of healthy relationships, and this also applies to a relationship with the self.

It sounds noble to only give but it's self destructive. I learned that the hard way. As well as learning that I can actually give more to others if I also allow giving to myself.

@FailurePersonified I think you already know this but you likely are a good candidate for successful therapy. I say this because I was and what you've written here, and before this, resonates with a younger version of me

@oxblood I’m curious what got you to change?

@FailurePersonified investing in my skills and forcing myself to acknowledge positives and negatives of everything instead of only recognising cons. Disregarding societal expectations of me and prioritising things I care about. The only thing I prioritise more than things I care about is myself. And then myself became something I did care about naturally, through practice and seeing benefits of self preservation

@FailurePersonified I also think this is a hard thing to acknowledge (and seems harsh to say, but I think you know I don't mean this maliciously), but people are attracted to confidence. Relationships and love of other people is great, sure, but it goes sour unless you have at least the bare minimum of confidence to prevent dependency (and worse, codependency). Ultimately you need to learn to value yourself. I can't tell you how to do this because people do it in different ways. For me if was pushing myself out of my comfort zone, I trained myself out of social phobia, took classes in things I was always scared to try (ceramics, mandarin), and confronted myself with the reality that no matter how I look I cannot escape being perceived. And there is no point in fearing or being self conscious about something I cannot control. That doesn't mean you need to love your appearance. I think it's toxic to demand somebody love their own appearance. But it is important to at least feel neutral - you exist in a body. It has a function. It's a functional existence.

@oxblood

I appreciate your disclaimer

I’m told that i seem confident; not sure how they got that impression. Any confidence is a front and maybe people see that eventually.

I am often told I’m “crazy” and I think that’s the #1 deterring factor

@FailurePersonified crazy just means they don't understand your motivations, or it doesnt fit into their framework.

You have to decide if you like your own motivations, and they make sense to you, or if you need to find something else. If you like them enough then these comments will roll off your back like nothing happened

@oxblood

I don’t mind being crazy, or called crazy. I just think that it hurts my ability to interact.

I do like my own motivations in what I do, I just wish someone would value them too.

I feel like a guy on an island

@FailurePersonified other people can value them, but it does involve taking time to explain. And some people will never get it.. That's life tho!

@oxblood most don’t care to hear which means I get labeled nuts by most

It’s an uphill battle

@FailurePersonified it's true that a lot of people aren't interested in most other people. But people like others who take interest in them. Start with them, see what their motivations are first. If they're anywhere near yours then that's a good sign, at least to me. I don't think its worth explaining to people with opposite motivations unless they inquire first

@oxblood true, and I try my best to inquire first.
It’s just.. I don’t know if I’m just not sensible or what.

Most people I know are happy, I’m not very happy. They ask why. I can’t give the best answer

@FailurePersonified most people project their happiness and hide their negative feelings. It's a dangerous game to compare your reality to other people's curated self projection. Remember, people think you are confident. We know that's not true from what you've said. You think they're happy - I dont think we can assume that to be their internal truth.

@FailurePersonified I have to work now btw, but hope anything I've said is maybe useful or at least worth thinking about. It's all just anecdotal but as I said, I can relate to a lot of the things you say

@oxblood @FailurePersonified I think ox has nailed it on the head here - one other question..
how much exercise are you getting?