I fixed my bike today. I find out riding is helpful when fighting with anxiety.

The front tire keeps leaking, and I replace it, only found out the leaking point is on the inner side. The rim strip has no visible and touchable damage, it shouldn't poke a hole in the inner tire. But anyway, the new tire is fine and the old tire is fixable (assuming I have the right tool).

Today I rode exclusively in the hutongs (aka the alleyways in Beijing). A random thought sneaks through my brain, suggesting I feel like a dementor (yeah, I was listening to Harry Potter during the ride. Specifically, the Prisoner of Azkaban), scraping others' happiness only to make myself feel better. And then post my negative thoughts on the internet and ruining someone else's day (sorry).

Anyway, hutong gives me a unique feeling about life. It's unlike streets, filled with cars and noisy crowds, the people living in hutongs are quiet, peaceful and relax.No matter what happens, people live here for hundreds of years. The fall of the Qing dynasty, the Eight-Nation Alliance invaded Beijing, the Japanese army, the Republican era, the establishment of the PRC, the Cultural Revolution, the three years of natural calamities (the Great Leap Forward), etc. A lot of things happened there. While I am constantly worrying about the current situation, I will be the history, and I was history. I am creating history (despite no one knows every detail about my life, but it does be the past, aka the history).

While I'm getting lost of the constant thinking of my life, this idea gives me some strength. I decided to try another job publishing platform and give it a try.

My friend suggested I should see a doctor, after I left my password to him and told him he will get my laptop and all servers if I died. Maybe he is right, but considering I'm still unemployed with no medical ensureance, maybe next time. LOL