I had a conflict with my parents, and I feel down. I was typing a bunch of words here, maybe not sharing with anyone, just want to spill them out and hopefully make me feel better. Then, suddenly, I thought, screw that, I lost the mood of typing and explaining that thing. I don't want to talk to anyone because I feel tired, down, a bit of anger, and eventually, frustration.

Finally, at this time, I realized that I became a pathetic man. The pathetic man who struggles but doesn't have the motivation to solve the issue or at least make himself feel better. The pathetic man that I hate to become. The pathetic man who is always escaping, running away. Heck, I'm writing this in English because it's not my native language. It gives me a third-person-perspective-ish isolation, so it feels like I'm describing something that happens on someone I really know instead of myself.

With my pathological overthinking, I was never expecting life to become hard in this way.

For the conflict itself, shortly speaking, I cherish the novels I bought from Taiwan, and I have been trying to keep them in the best condition I can. But for my parents, they are just a pile of paper wasting space. I clearly told them to put the books back to their original place after the repairs were completed, but my parents decided to take them out and put them in the outdoor utility room. Based on past experiences, everything there will be conquered by nature, mostly oxygen and moisture. Those will be destroyed, and I can do nothing. Now? I still treasure those books, but now I feel like I'm able to lose everything, including my life, at any time. I simply stop caring about anything so they won't hurt me. I know the reason behind this, but I have no way to fix it.

I don't want to admit, and my brain says everything is totally fine, but I can sense there are serious issues with my mental health. They might not be serious enough to blow me up, but something could go wrong in the long term with the current pace. However, I don't care to do something about it. Sounds familiar? I hope that don't-care mood won't expand to other things.

Anyway, it's 2am, enough gibberish. Good night, my friends.