Furry in an Omegaverse Isekai @tormeh@qoto.org

“CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW? I SAID MY FOOD DISH IS EMPTY.”

If you wear your old prom dress to the pharmacy, they’ll fill your antidepressants faster.

I had some one ask me the most bone-headed question ever last night.

"You protested the war in Iraq for years why aren't you protesting the war in Ukraine?"

um. uh... I'm not Russian?

Shocking that there are a bunch of people who see it this way.

be ungovernable

“Everything happens for a reason,” I explain as I fill your car with gravy

If I was a German tank maker I would simply not name my latest project after a famous Nazi tank.

“Talk about reckless engineering with no thought for health, safety or consequences!”

Me, making a documentary about a beaver.

Snake oil probably helps stiff joints, after all I’ve never seen a snake with a walking stick.

me: “… in bed” lol

priest: please just say “to have and to hold”

Please stand back I'm about to make this worse

Giving up spreadsheets for 40 days. It's going to be Excel Lent.

you’d think she’d look happier

The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast.

@Stoned_Deva_ Kraft Singles in your area make excellent grilled cheese sandwiches.

I only want to be cremated if they use real cream.

how to keep men away

when you order a taco and you get this instead

can we just find and shoot people who spam the federated timeline with their bots