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The other day I was out with my flatmate and we started talking with a guy. Stayed together all night long. He offered to keep in contact through Instagram, I don't have it so I asked his phone number but he refused, anyways my flatmate has it so it worked out.
Now I wanted to talk with him regarding certain things we discussed, so I asked my flatmate to ask him the phone number so that I could do that.

The guy replied that he's sorry and means nothing bad, but he doesn't like sharing personal information with strangers.

Now, what I don't understand is why is it alright to share Instagram, where you have pictures of you and not your phone number?

@rastinza

You can choose when and where you interact with Instagram. Trivial to burn and start a new one.

Phone number can be a lot more sticky, esp if you use it to pay your bills or call your nan

@ceresbzns
I guess you are referring to the risk of being harassed by the person you're sharing this contact information with.
As far as I understand it, you don't throw away your Instagram account, you stick with it. I can imagine people doing so in extreme cases, but the gravity of such things is something that could convince to change phone number as well.

You can block phone calls from specific numbers.

@rastinza

From an OSINT and data leaks perspective, a phone number is going to give you more than an Insta

Unless they're being really sloppy on Insta, in which case the answer is probably less about security and maybe more like they're not actually interested

@ceresbzns I'm not sure I understand. Do you mean that the phone number may be used to retrieve information about you that is available on the internet?

@ceresbzns Wouldn't it be enough to know the name of the person at that point? I'd assume that if such information is available it should also be connected with a name.

@rastinza
Names can be redundant (eg John Smith). Names can be easily falsified.

Real name + phone number enables more accurate info gathering.

@ceresbzns Alright, I see. What kind of information can be gathered?
I'm quite reluctant in believing that I seriously have to worry about giving around my phone number.

@rastinza
In the right hands, a name + phone number could get you home addresses, credit history, all sorts of info. Any info that is currently or has been attached to an internet service. Just look up OSINT and you'll get a sense.

Different people have different threat models. You probably don't need to be concerned about giving out your number. Some people have very good reasons for being cautious about their private info, like people who have been stalked.

The MOST likely reason is that this dude is just being cagey. But maybe not.

@rastinza

The phone number is associated with the person with a contract that has all the info to find you IRL. Certain people can physically find you by knowing your phone number. And it is how we connect to the Internet on the first place. With the exception of Whatsapp and a few others, Internet accounts don't use phone numbers to connect people, they just use it for auth and then keep it (relatively) private.

Why not Telegram though? Most people have it and you can interact with them by knowing just their username. Telegram doesn't sell your data in any way and you can start e2e encrypted chats with limited functionality to share sensitive information.

Telegram has always been the perfect middleground for me.

@post Telegram does not work out simply because most of the people don't have telegram where I live. When I meet someone new I need to have a way to keep in contact with them.
Everyone has a phone number, that is the advantage of using the phone number. Moreover, the phone number allows you to make phone calls.

While surely the phone number is associated with a contract that has all the information about you, you'd need that contract to get to know that information.
I fail to understand why someone who doesn't know you should be interested in knowing where you are. If these things are a concern, then I'd imagine you would not wish to share any information about you. Thus, Instagram really doesn't make sense as it contains a lot of details about your personal life.

Let's put it this way: if I met a business competitor, I'd rather share my phone number with him rather than my Instagram, even though through my phone number he may gain some information about my routine.

@rastinza

I guess your last resort is email, everyone has it and once it was a very common way to keep in contact. FYI Delta Chat is an instant messaging app that just use emails under the hood.

About Instagram you are right if the person actually share personal information but if I had an Instagram account I would still feel safer sharing that than my phone number.

@post Are you suggesting I should ask the email account to keep in contact when I flirt?

I shall try that next time, if anything I can get a few laughs out of it.

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