Pivo @Pivo@qoto.org

C̶h̶i̶k̶i̶n̶
C̶h̶i̶k̶k̶o̶n̶
C̶h̶e̶e̶c̶k̶a̶n̶

[Super Glue product development]

Executive: We need good packaging…
Gary from Creative: Should we make it look like eye drops?

*slow clap*

When life gives you gremlins, make gremlinade.

16 hours ago me: If I dump the clean laundry on the bed, I'll HAVE to fold it before I go to sleep

Me now: *sweeping clothes onto the floor* Wrong, you 16 hours ago bitch.

much like Darkside of the Moon with the Wizard of Oz, Nickelback's album Silver Side Up syncs up with any episode of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives.

[1st day as a Crime Scene Investigator]

me: *vomits everywhere and passes out*

training supervisor: "if thats your reaction to a W-4 form and an orientation packet then this might not be the job for you"

[waking up at 4am to go to the bathroom] This counts as cardio

A waffle is just a pancake that fell asleep on a corduroy pillow

Me: *leaning into him* I wanna do things to you that are illegal in 50 states

Him: yeah?

*steals his car*

Detective: and how long has she been missing?

Me: *sobbing* 3 days

Detective: well we have her Instagram so we know what she looks like

Me: sort of I guess

I don't know much about bloatware but it sounds like a great alternative to activeware.

This site makes me feel guilty about the fact I didn’t let mastodons on the Ark.

Your Black Friday reminder that the economy is at least 50% more concentrated now than it was in 2005. Shop small if you can. Please.

pretty sure the fire pigeons aren’t gonna care about your silly little sign

waffle irons are bullshit. if they really worked you could put in a waffle and get out a pancake.

Apparently you can be asked to leave the courtroom if you fall off your chair too many times

*narrows eyes*

You wouldn't write it like that unless you poisoned the firgs

"Where is your god now?" I like to shout at children with paper cuts.

ME, 10: I want a big mansion

ME, 20: I want a cool apartment

ME, 30: I want a small hut that stands on chicken legs & has been hidden away deep in the forest