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Here’s one. If you use the word “they” in a post about how “they” are going to screw “you”, “us”, “me”, please provide a better idea of “who” “they” actually are. Maybe “they” are a known quantity for those “in the know”, but I like to have a more precise understanding of your “reality” to better understand who “they” are.

Maybe it’s always been like this and I was never aware, but media in general and social media in particular is mostly speculative and paranoid. I wonder what would happen if I used AI to review the universe of social media posts to determine the ratio of “it’s surely the demise of everything we hold dear and true” posts to posts about actual reality. I’m spitballing about 330:1.

”If Trump gets elected, it will be the end of American democracy as we know it”.

When someone proclaims this in an interview, it’s spoken as if it’s an obvious truth. Why do I feel like it’s a little bit vague?🤔

So Trump gets elected next year and everyone’s just gonna say “oh well, I guess that’s just the end of democracy as we know it.” 🤷🏻‍♂️ Really? Like everyone’s just going to rollover and complain about it on social media? If that’s what America does then it deserves itself.

My one and only prediction for 2024 is that there will be an insufferable level of nauseatingly hyperbolic digital drama spewed between now and November. Oy! Let me know when the election’s over. 😒

Memory, meet hole.

Substitute“television” and “tube” with “social media” and “internet”.

youtu.be/isSE7ux-W-M?si=ZSC7U0

Great news! The Siberian Terror Cabal briefly succeeded in breaching the northern line of our Freedom Alliance! But rest assured, our boys once again rose to the occasion and stemmed the tide! Unfortunately, the nylon supply route will suffer temporary disruption. Not to worry though ladies! Spring fashion collections will still arrive in time for Easter!

Sure...pigs may enjoy it when you have to lower yourself in the mud to be dirty with them, but it beats the crap out of staying clean and having them round you up to put you in a concentration camp.

This post is olfactorily incorrect 

OK, I’m a dyed in the wool liberal. You can ring a bell and my heart’ll bleed like the Nile in spring. But I have absolutely no tolerance for a stinky politician...from either political party! Democrats and republicans can honestly disagree about taxes, abortion, and drag queens ad nauseam. But a putrid pol? Get outta here, would ya!?! The nose knows what unifies this great nation!

Now that we’ve disrupted the Brosnian Terror Syndicate and destroyed their propaganda machine, there’s a new threat developing in the south. Our troops are sure to have their work cut out for them as they approach the enemy from the sea. Our smart weaponry will most certainly win the day as we continue our march to victory and freedom! Let’s pray that our austerity measures won’t outlive our collective discomfort and that our chocolate ration will soon be restored!

In the history of tree sloths, not a single tree sloth has robbed a bank. However, if a tree sloth did, in fact, rob a bank, the motherfucker would be indicted and convicted just the same. True, it would be unprecedented, but the motherfucker would still be indicted and convicted. Capeesh? 

Great news! We’re no longer at war with East Asia!! 😀 We’ve now joined forces with their campaign against Oceania!! Sadly, chocolate rations are being reduced due to our reliance on Oceania for the chocolate trade😔. A small price to pay for freedom and justice!!

So the good news is, chocolate and nylon rations are going up 10% in 2024. The bad news is, we’ll be at war with East Asia in 2024. We’ve always been at war with East Asia.

OMG!! 😱 The apocalypse is next week!! No...wait a minute, it’s actually going to be in three months and seven days!! (give or take a few here or there). And if you send $9.99 to PO Box 555, Pasadena, CA 91102, we’ll send an informative pamphlet and a special gift to ensure you and your family are safe and secure in this unprecedented time of peril in our country, er, for the planet!!!

I’ve seen some virtue signaling about stink shaming Trump and all I can say is, good luck on your march to the concentration camp. I suppose you’ll be able to hold your head high proudly knowing you didn’t hit a Nazi bully below the belt.

People are saying Donald Trump wears diapers. Of course, don’t expect the liberal media will report the facts that everyone already knows.

Trump didn’t read Mein Kampf. He made that Nazi shit up all by himself.

It’s odd to me that we spent four flaccid years listening to Trump tell, what, like 30,000 lies? something like that? But when he says he’s “going to be a dictator on day one” all media (except Fox News et al) soils its collective pants. Trump is a fucking buffoon. Pearl clutching and swooning is exactly what he wants. Why does everyone continue to give it to him? And before you tell me to ignore it at my peril, tell me exactly how 50 states and 330 million people are going to get on board.

Our current abortion ban problems aren’t the result of conservative success. They’re the result of a majority failure to vote.

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