My mom: "I love you with all my heart and soul"

Me: No you dont.

Mom: What?

Me: No you dont. I saw you loving my cousin just a few days ago. You only have one heart and one soul mom. So clearly you are dividing it between more than just me.

Mom: ...

Me: in fact you love so many people that soul of yours is spread out pretty thin.

Mom: I hate you

Me: See! I knew it!