🇳🇱
People need to ubderstand you can set any boundaries you want, and people should be expected to respect those boundaries. But people should also know its equally acceptable for someone to want nothing to do with you if they dont like the restrictions those boundaries place.
@louis boubdaries work oth ways too. Aomeone may not want to hear a subject, and i may not want ro be censored. If we are incompatible tbe o ly respectful result is tonwalk away and not be offended
@freemo Right, in that case your boundaries do not overlap, like a venn diagram of two separate circles.
Agreed.
Juat had this problem woth an asian lady, new friend. I told a joke that was maybe pg 13 at best. The most offensive part was ghe mere me tion of tbe existance of porn. She was deeply offended. I apologized for violating bsr boubdaries and aaid my jokes are quire a bit more crass than that, best we dont be friends ljt of respect for your boubdaries. She was even more offended j would exclude a friendhip over that.
She cant have it both ways. Im happy to respect her boubdaries, by keeping her away from my friend circle and the jokes contained therein
@freemo Riiight... but I can also see why someone might think that severing an entire relationship over such a minor difference of opinion might be overreacting. You could just CW lewd jokes instead 🤷♂️
I could, bit it means she could never hang ojt with my friends and also means i would be .ade ubcomfortable by being aroubd someone who is so sensative to content. I, as a rule, do not choose to.be friends with prudiah people, it makes for a rather ubpleasant interaction.
We are also talking real world friendship not online.
@freemo Ah, yeah, someone trying to impose their values on you, especially in group social situations where they're not the host, is a huge red flag.
@louis right, when ifs o e or one, or im a guest in their home id bappily respext wbatever values i can ethically respect. But ypu cant expect me and my frienda to all avoid difty jokes just cause uour at the party.
People don't know how to do deeper than "hi-bye" friendship and need to "Do the uncomfortable work in relationships..."
@freemo @louis
This is the point I've come across often where it seems there is an step skipped at this point where the person doesn't say and hold for reaction (such as "oh I didn't mean to offend you") and then say a bit about naturally having our own balance and also balance between people individually (but hopefully without self-censoring too much).
But because people are too offended often the space or protocol or balancing potential is skipped and people almost rest into that position.
So when I have come to balancing what I meant or saying it wasn't to do with them - they have almost already chosen to stay in the corner / reducing their own position instead of laying things and accepting it can feel something (and I might be xyz) but often it shouldn't be the end or a big thing to find out between new people new and slightly-shady looking things since we have not spent ANY time with them,
And so yes friends are few and far between nowadays as the art is being lost and those with friends simply hold fragile titles until someone speak about any feelings (then it's over or silence for a few moths - nothing beautiful growing like the #Relationships post I made recently about "Do the uncomfortable in relationships..." (can find it by that hashtag.
AND because I'm effectively doing a "sped-up version" compared to the 30 years to know someone I'm having more time with people to realise how they skip steps and even don't know what friendship / humanity is where it's just you over there and I'll be waaaay over there and just "hi-bye" depth - almost over-civil and scared of their own humanity and other people's shadows.... while complaining of course...
Plenty of work to do peeps... join me (....me meaning humanity itself... without sounding Jesus about it - Just we are part of the whole and what other way!?)
@freemo Agreed. Boundaries, both physical and social, are inherently exclusionary.
And anyone who chooses to remain outside of them also remain outside of their control.