Now that my lifespan is no longer open-ended and undefined, I've spent some time trying to decide between two approaches as to the best use of my remaining time. One, which I did fall into for a few weeks, was to rush! rush! hurry! to try to pack in as much living as possible. As you're probably smarter than me, you've likely already guessed that this is not really a great approach. It's like skimming over waves rather than comfortably floating on my back and watching the clouds.

I'm now doing just the opposite-- taking time to appreciate each everyday event as it comes up by itself. I'm deliberately using little tricks to slow myself down, like:

1. Wearing cowboy boots. As my sense of balance has been a bit impaired by the now-burned-up brain tumor, and was already damaged by the chemo, this forces me to walk deliberately and carefully. "Walking like I mean it," as a friend describes it. 😉

2. Switching to using fountain pens. Now I write more slowly and carefully, as it's hard to just scribble something quickly with such a pen. There's also the little mini-ritual of uncapping the pen and lining up the cap "just so" to position it symmetrically. I'm surprised at how much better this has caused my note-taking to be. (Though I do do a lot of typing, I have a couple of topics I'm researching for enjoyment and tend to prefer written notes to typed as I read and study.)

Should anyone have any suggestions for more little speed bumps like these, I'd be glad to hear them!

#cancer