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Last time I got , the clerk looked at my and said in shock, "You're older than my *dad*!"

"Clean living," I replied, and walked out with my goods.

All too often, when I finally do learn what happened to them, it's permanent. I know this will only get worse as the years go by.

This goes in the same bin as and in my frequently used funny-sexy-cool test. Only other people can decide if you're or or . Not only do you not get to make that judgement about yourself, it's a terrible mistake to try—because the more you announce to people that you are that thing, the less likely they are to see you that way. Show, don't tell.

Many desirable characteristics, including and and , work the same way. I *try* to be empathetic, and as far as I can tell from the reactions of the people around me, I succeed most of the time. And I trust many of them to tell me if I'm being a self-centered jerk. But being "an " isn't an inborn characteristic. It's a *behavior*—and like all good behaviors, past performance is no guarantee of future results.

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