Utterly failed to boil the kettle this morning, so now I’m making a failed cuppa in the microwave like some kind of savage.
#savageBrit : made tea with 2 tea bags in room temperature water and stirring for 20 mins.
#savageAsian : made instant noodles in the rice cooker.
#savageYankee : fires a gun inside the house because it gets the family out of bed and awake with no coffee necessary
#savageLatino : espresso grounds get stronger with age. Why clean and change em?
#savageFrenchman : Expired cheese? No, gourmet cheese.
#savageIndian : Moves to Britain, out savageBrits' the native Brits.
#savageTurk : Glass cleaner + cuban coffee = Turkish coffee
#savageMastadonian : introduces all of his friends to "Tooter".
#savageMechanic : brake fluid, transmission fluid, motor oil, all interchangable
#savageProgrammer : for loop? Nooo twin callbacks that call each other.
#savagePhysicist : spends entire life observing things closer and closer, then farther and farther away, to realize they're about the same.
#savageMathematician : divide by zero? Don't be stupid, zero can't exist in the first place.
#savageJedi : masters the force, uses it to create random religions on random planets by pretending to be a god.
#savageTimeTraveler : sends the machine by itself infinitely backwards just to see if it ever pops up again in the future.
#savageSchrodengersCat : bites Schrodinger, knocks the radioactive material on the floor, and runs out of the house.
#savageLiteraryPHDstudent : writes thesis about thesis for PHD candidacy, debunks efficacy of thesis.
#savageAstronomer : downloads NASA photos, crops and sharpens them in Photoshop, submits them back to NASA.
#savageNASA : repeats the process of the savageAstronomer and uploads to archives. Hasn't spent money on new Telescope for 30 years.
#savageVegan : advocates for cannibalism, cause hey, all that would be left are vegans right? RIGHT?!
#savageDinosour : changed pronunciation of RhINO Saw-rus to Rhinoceros 🦏 to avoid extinction. Is still suspicious why nobodies noticed it's a dinosaur, hence their facial expressions.
#savageSavages : domesticated other savages via civilization, but could only lead them using savagery. They called it politics to avoid extinction also.
#savageSchizophrenic : Becomes an actor? Nope, becomes the role, paid handsomely too.
#savageIrish : identical to savageBrit but replace the room temperature tea, with room temperature beer.
#savageScottish : == #scottish
#savageGerman : deprecated May 7th 1945.
#savageItalian : typically born in New York, but different than savageYankees in that they fire their guns in the evening, and outside the house, and have better reasons for doing so.
And maybe one more..
Let's see..
I wanna make a good one for the last one..
😈
#savageRedundancy :
#savageBrit : made tea with 4 tea bags in room temperature water and stirring for 40 mins.
#savageAsian : made 2 instant noodles in 2 rice cookers.
#savageYankee : fires 2 guns inside the house because it gets the family out of bed and awake with no coffee necessary
#savageLatino : espresso grounds get stronger with age. Why clean and change em? Ever?
#savageFrenchman : Expired cheese? No, gourmet cheese? No. Add more milk, it's a sauce? That expired? It's cheese again.
#savageIndian : Moves to Britain, out savageBrits' the native Brits. Gets out Britained by the savagePakistanis though.
#savageTurk : Glass cleaner + cuban coffee = Turkish coffee, which is still used to clean glass.
#savageMastadonian : introduces all of his friends to "Tooter". And all his enemies to Facebook.
#savageMechanic : brake fluid, transmission fluid, motor oil, windshield de-icing fluid, all interchangable
#savageProgrammer : for loop? Nooo twin callbacks that call each other. With a return that calls the main function if a condition is met.
#savagePhysicist : spends entire life observing things closer and closer, then farther and farther away, to realize they're about the same. Wins nobel anyways.
#savageMathematician : divide by zero? Don't be stupid, zero can't exist in the first place. That's why it's null.
#savageJedi : masters the force, uses it to create random religions on random planets by pretending to be a god. Realizes he probably could of been one, but jokes on him, sith killed him first.
#savageTimeTraveler : sends the machine by itself infinitely forwards just to see if it ever pops up again in the past. It does. So he sends it infinitely backwards to see if it pops up again in the future.. and plot twist, it doesn't. But it would have had it not collided with itself on the way back and knocked the keys out under Napoleons sofa.
#savageSchrodengersCat : bites Schrodinger, knocks the radioactive material on the floor, and runs out of the house. Which spooks Schrodinger's dog, who runs in the house and laps up the radioactive fluid, licks Schrodinger, and kills the cat. Who's a good boy?
#savageLiteraryPHDstudent : writes thesis about thesis for PHD candidacy, debunks efficacy of thesis. Which proved thesis were effective after all, and so he was awarded his PHD for getting it taken away before he got it.
#savageAstronomer : downloads NASA photos, crops and sharpens them in Photoshop, submits them back to NASA.
#savageNASA : repeats the process of the savageAstronomer and uploads to archives. Hasn't spent money on new Telescope for 60 years.
#savageVegan : advocates for cannibalism, cause hey, all that would be left are vegans right? RIGHT?! Unless the cannibals eat all the vegetables to starve out the vegans, so which dies out first the vegan or the cannibal? Ironically neither would care about the chicken or the egg. But if either had, would they have their current paradox?
#savageDinosour : changed pronunciation of RhINO Saw-rus to Rhinoceros 🦏 to avoid extinction. Is still suspicious why nobodies noticed it's a dinosaur, hence their facial expressions. Our maybe it ponders if mammoths ever got elephantiasis, cave paintings may have been to scale.
#savageSavages : domesticated other savages via civilization, but could only lead them using savagery. They called it politics to avoid extinction also. Coincidentally also like the rhinoceros, they leave some of the largest piles of excrement around the world.
#savageSchizophrenic : Becomes an actor? Nope, becomes the role, paid handsomely too. Commits suicide and gets paid even more. Because hey, that's commitment to the role.
#savageIrish : identical to savageBrit but replace the room temperature tea, with room temperature beer. For breakfast lunch and dinner and tea time, and snack time.
#savageScottish : == #scotchish.. mmm scotch
#savageGerman : deprecated May 7th 1945.. due to the savageJapanese being microwaved into weebdom.
#savageItalian : typically born in New York, but different than savageYankees in that they fire their guns in the evening, and outside the house, and have better reasons for doing so. Unless they run into each other at school.. oh.. that's why that happens.
If you've managed to get this far, you've probably realized the #savageRedundancy list contains amendments that make many of the savage definitions redundant, thus making this second list not redundant after all, and after all, that's just plain #savage.
Anytime in the future, you experience #britfails and your upset about it, you can refer back to this list and smile, cause it's not just you, you're not alone. The whole world has #britfails too.
