天空вℓσи∂ @skyblond@qoto.org

> I though I'm using virtiofs, but it's actually 9p.

Don't ask how long it takes me to figure that out. I spent half of my day to search why file mmap failed on virtiofs, all result suggest it shouldn't be.

Switched from Tixati to qBittorrent for BTN support since my nas has been leeched by a list of datacenter IPs.

Then I noticed that qbittorrent failed to write any file. After some digging, it turns out the C lib failed to do `file_mmap`. I'm using unraid and it offers both 9p and virtiofs to mount shares to vm. I though I'm using virtiofs, but it's actually 9p. The 9p mode failed to support mmap and the read performance is slow. With my ZFS setup, it can only read 60MB/s.

After switching to virtiofs, the read performance is back to normal, reaching about 700MB/s and mmap is working out of box.

I think unraid should really make the virtiofs as the first option, instead of 9p.

Looks like 48GB RAM is not enough for 60+ chrome tabs, 18 docker services, and 6 electron based applications.

No... Not really.

Although I hate Adobe, I still rely on them to process my photos, especially Lightroom Classic, I haven't seen any good alternatives yet.

For Photoshop, I tried alternatives like affinity photo, which is a good commercial product, but I'm not really into it. Not mention gimp and darktable.

I love sleeping

Wow, sleeping is magical. No matter how sad I am, a good sleep always makes me feel better.

I had a conflict with my parents, and I feel down. I was typing a bunch of words here, maybe not sharing with anyone, just want to spill them out and hopefully make me feel better. Then, suddenly, I thought, screw that, I lost the mood of typing and explaining that thing. I don't want to talk to anyone because I feel tired, down, a bit of anger, and eventually, frustration.

Finally, at this time, I realized that I became a pathetic man. The pathetic man who struggles but doesn't have the motivation to solve the issue or at least make himself feel better. The pathetic man that I hate to become. The pathetic man who is always escaping, running away. Heck, I'm writing this in English because it's not my native language. It gives me a third-person-perspective-ish isolation, so it feels like I'm describing something that happens on someone I really know instead of myself.

With my pathological overthinking, I was never expecting life to become hard in this way.

For the conflict itself, shortly speaking, I cherish the novels I bought from Taiwan, and I have been trying to keep them in the best condition I can. But for my parents, they are just a pile of paper wasting space. I clearly told them to put the books back to their original place after the repairs were completed, but my parents decided to take them out and put them in the outdoor utility room. Based on past experiences, everything there will be conquered by nature, mostly oxygen and moisture. Those will be destroyed, and I can do nothing. Now? I still treasure those books, but now I feel like I'm able to lose everything, including my life, at any time. I simply stop caring about anything so they won't hurt me. I know the reason behind this, but I have no way to fix it.

I don't want to admit, and my brain says everything is totally fine, but I can sense there are serious issues with my mental health. They might not be serious enough to blow me up, but something could go wrong in the long term with the current pace. However, I don't care to do something about it. Sounds familiar? I hope that don't-care mood won't expand to other things.

Anyway, it's 2am, enough gibberish. Good night, my friends.

@nixCraft You can stop AI, but you can't really stop money/capital.

Routinely clean up my disk and found a translated copy of Serge Semin's "Goodbye from a Linux community volunteer".

Frankly speaking, 8 months later, I still won't be as forgiving as Serge Semin. That commit is basically a betrayal, a signal of the foundation trampled on the passion and dignity of the contributors, solely for their dirty political interests.

Right now I'm still using Linux, but I won't contribute to it. Maybe I'm far good from making a contribution in terms of programming skill, but even if I have such a skill, that foundation and Linus Torvalds don't deserve it.

A not-so-regular update because I think it has been a long time since my last post.

I have been recently doing:

+ Working, sleeping, and not starving to death
+ waiting for a sunny day to take some bird photos with my brand new nikkor 180-600 lens (currently 1 sunny day out of June so far)
+ watching Strange Things, it's actually pretty good. And of course it's pirate, because Netflix doesn't process payment from cards issued by Chinese bank
+ Found a good enough distance between my life and my parent's one (one video call per week)

This night particularly:
+ having Beef chow fun
+ having Dairy Queen ice cream
+ got the runs for 3 hours and suddenly recalled ice cream and greasy food doesn't play nicely in my stomach.
+ I took double the amount of Smecta but the runs are keep going
+ it's 2am midnight, I need sleep

While waiting for the Smecta to take effect, I noticed that my post rate has reduced recently, possibly because I'm focusing on real life, I guess. For example, watching TV shows with my friends after work, enjoying biking on Saturday, and this weekend, trying to persuade my friends to trust me cooking some edible but toxic mushrooms (they are intensively umami and delicious, and it's totally fine if you fully cooked it, the heat will break down those toxic stuff, but somehow my friends don't trust me).

Generally, I think it's a good thing, since when last time I intensively posted toots, I watched all my YouTube stocks (the old videos from the youtubers I subscribed). At that time, my mind felt like a hungry beast that was seeking stimulation, wandering the internet, while it also didn't want to do anything meaningful in real life.

It's almost a year for me to move out and live alone. It's not the best life in the world, but it's certainly the best over my life so far. It's not always happy and enjoyable, but I still love it.

Yeah, I know this kind of talking is old school, and I must read it somewhere, but reading it got one feeling, and experiencing it by myself is another feeling, a much more amazing feeling than just reading it.

It's 3AM, and I'm still sitting on the toilet. But I wrote enough text. Let's call it a day and wish everyone a good night. (I certainly won't write such text during the day, and in the midnight I wrote those under a reckless impulse. I have no reason to write this, but I just did. Humans is weird)